The brilliant marketing executives over at VitaminWater have created a brand-new viral video campaign featuring actor Gary Busey.
In this video called, "Time To Collect", Gary Busey plays "Norman Tugwater, Fantasy Sports Law" who informs us about the dangers of drafting Adrian Peterson.
In case you're not one of the initiated: OtB brings you a long-form joint re: NBA and its ontological extension unto all of sport. Epochrypha: writings or statements of questionable authorship or authenticity, but always impassioned and always with an eye on the times we're spectating in. Enjoy.
Hey. Howzit. What's up. It's been awhile since I was last here. A lot has changed in the blogosphere. Shoals is writing for Fanhouse again. Skeets is no longer at Ball Don't Lie. Forum Blue and Gold is no longer run by Kurt. Blogging is a business too, I guess. What else happened since I went ghost around October? Um, Tiger Woods slept with some women. Agent Zero did NOT save us, although Brandon Jennings might. (It all takes time, perhaps is the lesson to learn here) Arizona turned into a place where the Right and the Left collide. And, I don't know, somewhere along the way it stopped mattering. Who cares if the world is going to end in two years or if it actually ended ten back? It doesn't matter if we're living in a post-apocalyptic, post-mis-understanding-of-apocalypse world. We just keep going.
Oh, and what else is new? Right. Lebron's human. That one's just in. But you knew we were heading there all along. Before I build a full head of steam here (if you're new to this, yeah, I'm just getting started), I want to offer a bit of full disclosure. I've been hiding from basketball for 9 months like it had something growing in it for me to father. And, while basketball gets pregnant with...something, I've been cheating on her with professional wrestling or "sports entertainment." I won't belabor you with my observations in that arena, but I will say I think I overdid it leading up to this basketball season. I wrote all these previews, and I guess it got to a point where I had said too much and had devoted too much time and thought to something that was quick becoming something a little too vast and untenable for me. The regular season's a beast, I won't lie. I just learned that I'm not that shining armor guy who can lie it down and put it into words for y'all. Sorry. I'm human. Like Lebron. Whaaaaat?!?
Now, carefully good sirs (and madams, if any ye be), this is not another blog post dedicated to piling the hate or disappointment on Lebron James. Me? I got sympathy. For Lebron and Cleveland both. Full disclosure, I am a lifelong Lakers fan who lived in Ohio for four years and loved the idea of Lebron being there while I was. Those of you who are familiar with my writing here at OtB will also recall that I'm an unapologetic follower of the bigger voices out there in the basketball blogosphere. Some days all I get is Ball Don't Lie, Truehoop, Fanhouse, and the odd freedarko joint. So, yes. I feel Dwyer's take is important (nut shell: people in Cleveland's organization are just trying to keep their jobs; Lebron's just trying to keep his head), and I certainly peeped Abbott's run down of what Lebron's career arc will now look like (in a word: Garnett), but Shoals has always been the last word for me, whether at fd or Fanhouse. So Shoals goes, un-verbatim, it's fear that Lebron showed, which differs from doubt because "in doubt, you have yourself to blame. Fear is the awful possibility that you can bring it like mad and still have life thrown back in your face. Fear is to be overcome, just like doubt, and is undoubtedly less humiliating. But LeBron James isn't supposed to feel fear. It's human, way too human."
Rewind a bit. In case you missed it. Lebron and the Cavs just got ousted in 6 by the Celtics. In Game 5, it seemed Lebron wasn't trying. There are questions about his elbow's health, but no concrete answers. He looked better in Game 6, but he's still being vilified by some as having one foot already out the door. We know the future is unwritten, but people are always trying to get ahead of themselves to write the present. Sometimes that act leads too quickly to judgment and vilification of someone however well or poorly we ourselves would've acted in a similar situation. Perhaps we're more like Vince Carter? (More Shoals) The question is why is that bad? How and why do we hold certain perspectives between ourselves in the wild, nebulous world of fandom and the stars from whom we get our (writing) lights?
Me, I feel bad for both sides. James could've done better for Cleveland. He could've been less of a businessman, and I've always disliked that about him. At the same time, it doesn't mean he should be hated for making decisions that, in the long run (hopefully), work towards making him a happier individual. I would say some of those decisions should make us hold him on less of a lofty platform, but that's not the point of this post. There's enough of that out there already. On the Cavs' side, they could've done better for James as well. Forget the mistakes in personnel. They did as well as most franchises do. It was the perspective. They were just trying to hold on to Lebron as long as they could. He didn't help when his actions baited them towards such decisions. As with a relationship, the blame lies on either side of the divide. The Cavs have employed James since he was fresh out of high school. It was their responsibility to mold him into a stand up employee. In that sense, they failed him. They allowed him to grow into a diva, and it could have been prevented if only someone had told him no.
It was difficult, I understand. When you have a precocious child or lover, I guess, if we're to maintain this metaphorical scheme, it's difficult to do anything but be in awe at the outset. The problems only arise later, when the individual begins to struggle living up to the ridiculously high standards. You can't bring roses and chocolates to every date, and you wouldn't want someone to. But in sports, we do. We want athletes to go all out. And James did, for the most part. He tried to learn. When he heard you're supposed to save something for the playoffs, he tried that. When he heard you're supposed to share the ball, he tried that. He was accused of being less than superhuman for these things. Maybe it's time we just admit to ourselves that Lebron is human.
Sometimes, when you're single and you see the perfect couple acting like a perfect couple, it makes you sick to the skin (all the way to the stomach and back out again). For awhile, Lebron and the Cavs were that. Lebron went to his hometown team - how often does that happen? - and somehow he lived up to the ridiculous hype. He even went ahead surpassed it. Now he's suffering the repercussions of assumed perfection. We're all asses. The Cavs were having too much fun, and we were having too much fun picking them apart for it. And now the Celts have had the last laugh. When you're single, sometimes it feels SO satisfying to watch the perfect couple fight and perhaps even fall apart. But if we're honest, really honest, and a little self-actualized, we'll get over our jealousy and be able to feel sorry to see a beautiful thing die. Then, if we're teachers and philanthropists (heh...), then we might actually hope to see the perfect couple grow and learn and become more serious and mature. That's my hope, at least, for Lebron and the Cavs.
Coming from a place where I was good and ready to kick Kobe to the curb as a Lakers fan, it has been highly fulfilling to see him and the team grown and mature together. My hope as a fan of basketball and someone who's seen firsthand the economic and social situation around Cleveland, I'm hoping he stays. Mike Brown's gone, and I think that's a step in the right direction. If Lebron was the perfect boyfriend who got a little carried away in being that, then I sincerely hope the Cavaliers organization can be(come) that girlfriend who steps up and puts him in his place. I sincerely hope Lebron doesn't run away to "greener pastures" where he'll find the same thing happening over and over again. Kind of like Shaq.
Part II: Yes, I have been a Shaquille O'Neal apologist for awhile. I'm growing away from that. You can peep my history on it. But here's why I'm segueing this way. The Abbot piece is all about Lebron now looking at the KG path as one he is potentially following. I'd argue that when it comes to excellence combined with repeated playoff frustration, Dirk's the biggest candidate to be found filling KG's old shoes (or T-Mac...). No one's the same. C'mon, I know we know that. But that doesn't mean we don't let ourselves fall into these patterns. So if your thinking on the matter is going to fall into any pattern, let it be that path that Shaq has blazed. In fact, it lines up quite nicely. Shaq left the Magic after 4 years. If you account for the two years Shaq spent at LSU, he and Lebron are practically step for step. Shaq got swept from the finals in his third season. Lebron got swept in his fifth. Again, account for the two years of college and this one's exactly the same. Shaq hit his peak of off-court silliness with 1996's Kazaam and 1997's appearances in Steel and Good Burger. Oy. These were his first years in LA, after torching the Magic. It seems Lebron needs to get a little of that media star attention out of his system before he can get serious like Shaq did in 2000-2001. Let's hope Lebron can do it from Cleveland.
Part III or perhaps 2a: I'm almost done ;-). When speaking about career arcs or, y'know, narratives, there is an interesting argument for Durant to be farther along in his than James now is. If a narrative is defined by what one overcomes internally and externally, Durant has navigated his first hurdle more gracefully than has King James. I recognize this is perhaps where I stretch it a bit and let my *$%! get contentious, but bear with me. In this age of instant critique, athletes are often at the mercy of their detractors fingertips. How an athlete negotiates this brand new world is quickly coming to define him. Over the past two seasons, Lebron has garnered somewhat of a reputation for sulking and, well, giving the media the Patrick Ewing treatment. Now, when perhaps circumstances are stacked against him, there are no lucid explanations, no exemplary actions to throw off his detractors. This started last season, and sure he had a great season this year, but in no way did he combat any of the things his detractors have said about him.
Durant, on the other hand, was held over the fire just this off-season. He was criticized because his plus/minus rating sucked, meaning the team was worse off with him on the floor than on the bench. Weird to hear that about a star player, right? He's now ranked as one of the best players in the league according to adjusted plus/minus. The rating is a little confusing, and Durant himself expressed frustration at being criticized by a rating system that is not generally (as far as I can tell) understood by players. I still think it would be a more enlightened age if it was, but maybe enlightenment is no longer the point? Still, all advanced stats point to Durant improving defensively, and his team did manage a 27 more wins this year...although it's disputed whether or not wins count in advanced stats land. Still, Durant wins this round, and we all win in the end if James' can create the kind of relationship Durant seems to have going in OKC. Here's to growth, not gigantism.
After effects: Oh, btw. If Lebron does move from Cleveland to Chicago or wherever, just dream that I wrote a thousand words about it as a metaphor for the movement of the American psyche/soul. Because you know how that one goes. We are a nation of consumers, so the midwest that used to produce things like cars will see a kind of drift that will not be seen in cities like OKC, for all its small market claims to free-agency bane.
For those of you that don't know what UStream is, essentially it's a location where regular people and celebrities broadcast themselves through web-cam or video recording device to the world.
Well, Shaquille O'Neal recently was on UStream and well, he decided to let his singing do the talking.
Above is your first NBA sponsored Youtube video of the season. Anyway, on to the new feature: Sleeping with the Sleepers!
Anyone can read a boxscore and anyone can live blog a game, but not everyone can combine the two (or weave one of the two, or neither) into something vaguely or falsely or, I don't know, prophetically resembling a narrative. The NBA season kicked off today, and OtB just looked at the top 50 NBA players in the NBA. Many of them populate the contenders and perennial playoff participants. This doesn't mean the NBA's basement doesn't contain personalities and perspectives worth covering. Far from it. Towards the point, OtB will be taking the opportunity this season to look at some of the sleepers in the league. We'll be looking at teams that look like they might be on the outside of the playoffs looking in. This will come in the form of the good and bad, the pros and cons, the Nocturnal Daydreams (as most NBA games are played at night) and the Nightmares. With that said, our first edition gives the sleep study to the LA Clippers' Baron Davis during the first game of the season. We pick up the frequency from Boom Dizzle as the third quarter gets under way...
I can't believe I have to wait a whole month to see New Moon. OMG! I can't believe Bella and Edward aren't like bf/gf forevs!
Marcus Camby LMFAO! Opportunist is not generally a good thing to be. I know you liked it when they called you that in New York, but that was 12 years ago!
Oh no he didn't! Reggie called me Kimbo Slice!?! Actually, I"m okay with that...
Hmm...am I more like my new, unfortunately sidelined because Stern made us play too many preseason games team mate Blake Griffin or beard buddy Pau Gasol? Maybe I should reconsider this beard thing.
Oh noes! Bassy's making me look bad, and he's making Camby look good!
I don't care if he can make those, Tsar, Marcus shouldn't be taking threes! He did it in Denver. Why do you think we got him so cheap? Fire Mike Dunleavy dot come, anyone?
Nocturnal Daydreams:
I gotta get tickets to see that Michael Jackson movie tomorrow. Maybe J-Alba will go with me. I could be a third wheel! I'll get a Snickers...
Maybe I'll sit out the 4th. Yeah. Oooh, look at Shannon Brown go!
I look better than Kobe. And I'm bigger on Youtube than him, amn't I?
Eric Gordon kind of reminds me of Monta Ellis. Maybe it's time to force a trade. Maybe Stephen Jackson will switch with me.
I missed another three! It's okay, though. I put money on us to lose. The whole season! Just kidding.
Artest hasn't made a three tonight either. Well, he's missed more than me anyway.
Oh look! Machine! I have more hits on Youtube than him too, right? Wanna play the staring...wait. He cut his hair! I thought this was going to be a shaggy year. Someone forget to send me the memo? Hey, Sasha! We can see your face and it needs an oil change!
Nightmares:
I can't believe I'm a Clipper. In another city, this roster could've stolen this game.
Lamar Odom. He gets Khloe and he makes a three.
I'm going to dream about Ron Artest's hair tonight. So sad when a basketball soldier is lost.
Argh! The lead's back up to 15. This low calorie diet is really making me grumpy.
Oh my goodness! Replay? We forfeit already. We forfeit!
The Lakers are 20-1?!? On opening night!?! Oh, wait, that's just your daily Reggie Miller nonsense.
Nocturnal Daydreams:
Inside the NBA! It's about time!
Look! It's me! Highlights of the game we just lost!
Haha! Charles missed the reason for the Cavs stagnancy and I caught it! It's because they lost they're offensive genius from last season John Kuester. They haven't been terrible on offense for years. They had been 'til last year, and it looks like they're going to be again.
Chuck wants the Cavs to run. He's brought up both bets from previous seasons, the one where he raced Dick Bevetta and the one where he had to kiss a donkey. Think he wants to race LeBron? Or how 'bout Shaq? Shaq vs. Charles. Yeah.
Rockets-Blazers highlights! Portland gets revenge. You can bet this won't be a bad match-up for the Blazers this year like it was last year. Outlaw for 6th man of the year?
Gil is back! If he looks that good, I must be looking real pretty.
I should move to Portland. They're kinda like the Bay Area up there, hippies and all. Hey, Dunleavy, trade me for Andre Miller! Nah, not now, when he gets tired of not being needed up there.
Charles says the Rockets will have the worst record in the West! Not us! Yay!
OtB is counting down the days 'til the NBA 2009-10 season tips off by ranking the top 50 players in the league. On Thursday there are 40 days left.
In 2005, Andrew Bynum became the youngest player ever to play in an NBA game, and with the age limit raised after that, he could retain that record for quite some time. Bynum's had a decent start in the league, definitely showing some flashes. Still, he just seems to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Perhaps it's an argument for him having come out a bit too early. I won't say that. I'll just document the first in a line of difficult or questionable incidents that have included injuring both knees, carrying around a Playboy playmate on his shoulders while rehabbing one of said knees, and, y'know, getting dissed by the Kobster in a parking lot vid.
All of this was presaged by a dunk on Shaq. Well, no, let’s start at the beginning. It all began with a Shaq dunk on Drew. Despite being the youngest rookie ever, Bynum wasn’t having any of that. He came back on O, got the ball, spun Shaq out of his shorts, and bam! made it rain. It was a great play, and Bynumite has made a whole slew of great plays. But rook, don’t bang one down on The Sheriff. Wait a few years. Sure I loved the pluck, the idea that Bynum was attempting an Iversonian slap in the face to the old guard, but it was too little too soon. Since then, he hasn’t been able to catch a wave of consistency.
The Skinny: With AB, you can’t look at season averages or totals, because his stats have been decimated by injury and the lack of confidence evident as the hang over from said injuries. The first thing to do is look at individual games. Bynum was having perhaps his best run right before he went down. After a relatively quiet first 40 games of the season, AB went off on the Clips for 42 points, 15 rebounds, and 3 blocks. He followed that up with: 23, 14, and 1 against Washington; 15, 11, and 4 against the Spurs; 24, 14, and 6 against Charlotte; and 27, 15, and 2 in Minnesota. Sure, the competition wasn’t great, and he seemed to come back to earth a bit against Duncan and the Spurs, but how would you fare at just 21 years and 90 days old against the Big Fundamental? That’s what I thought. And he still managed to go for a double-double and four blocks.
What makes a good big man? Points, rebounds, and blocks. The points are there. At least on that stacked team, with all the attention drawn elsewhere, Bynum seems to inhale points. In fact, watching him peak, he seemed at times to be an even more dominant scorer than Kobe. I definitely saw a bunch of games where Kobe took a back seat and said, “let’s let the kid roll.” The per game averages, of course, don’t tell the tale. However, in 07-08 when he looked like he was going to destroy everything out there, Bynum was running a field goal percentage of .636. Andris Biedrins, who led the league that year (Bynum didn’t qualify, not having played enough games), shot a .626. Bynum also recorded a 127 offensive rating, which is neck and neck with Biedrins who led the league in that category as well.
Okay, what about rebounds and blocks? In 07-08, Bynum was rebounding to the tune of 19.6% of the available caroms while he was on the court. Shaq, on the other hand, the guy who Drew effectively replaced (let’s all try to forget about Kwame “Meow-meow” Brown, please), only grabbed that kind of percentage in his rookie season and never again crested 19%. Now, Shaq is a bit of an anomaly, because most players don’t peak in terms of rebounding efficacy in their rookie season. Regardless, 19.6% is a damn good rate, and would’ve been good for fourth in the league, tying with Tim Duncan. Why do we refer to the 07-08 season repeatedly and not this past season when he played 15 more games? Quite simply because his ceiling lies in that 07-08 glimpse. Since he got injured that season, he’s continually been playing himself toward dominance, and peaking at all the wrong times. Those 35 games are the single best indicator as to what Andrew Bynum’s potential could lead. The hope is that the injuries haven’t depleted his confidence and aggression. He was a ghost in the playoffs, but the Lakers were rolling without him. With a full off season under his twice rehabbed knee, hopefully we’ll see the Bynum of “old.”
If you continue the comparison to Shaq, Bynum outlasts young Shaq at being a dominant blocker. Sure, Shaq can send ‘em out with the best of ‘em. But his attention flags. His rookie season he blocked a solid 5.7% of the two points shots his opponents took while he was on the floor, and then he didn’t get over 5% until four seasons later. Bynum’s first three seasons saw him consistently over 5%, and his only season under 5% was last season, when he looked wary about letting loose for much of the season. Now 5% is not quite crazy town numbers, like early Dikembe Mutumbo or Marcus Camby, who both hit upwards of 7% before their fourth season. However, Bynum's numbers do put him in the early Alonzo Mourning range. Not bad.
Why he’s #40: I actually had Bynum at 36th before the beginning of last season. One might level the same argument against Bynum that can be made for Al Jefferson in the lower half of this list. You just can’t tell how he’ll come back from all these knee injuries, or what he’ll be like with Artest in town. Why, though, is Bynum a couple spots ahead of Jefferson? For one, I’d like to remind you that the separation between each spot is not that great, and anyone could argue any of these selections are incorrect. (They’d be wrong, but whatever.) Still, Bynum pushes past Jefferson despite less of a track record for steady production because Bynum exudes the kind of fire and joie de vivre that Jefferson sometimes seems to lack.
When Andrew was on, guys had to make sure their heads didn’t get torn off. That’s something you just can’t teach. There’s a reason there was all that talk (that didn’t come to fruition) about the Lakers being tougher with Bynum in the rotation in ’09 compared to their embarrassment at the hands of the Celts in ’08. Even a killer instinct like Kobe’s does not equate to the kind of nasty streak that Bynum is capable of. You build quality defenses on intimidation of that order. Bynum has shown the potential to be one of the great defensive anchors in the history of the league. Recognize.
OtB is counting down the days by ranking the top 50 players in the league. On Saturday there are 45 days 'til the NBA's first tip off of the 09-10 season.
That's right, the Daddy. Number 45, after being 43rd on my list last year. How does the MDE (arguably) drop so low? Well, he's 37. He's teaming with the MDNow. And he stole Steve Nash's idea and got himself a TV show. After a renaissance of sorts last year, the Witnesses may think Shaq's poised for another strong year. Doubtful. Phoenix's physical training staff has resuscitated half a dozen careers, all that they've attempted except for Penny Hardaway who, unlike Grant Hill and Steve Nash un-wisely left the Suns. I really don't think Shaq's going to look pretty come the 2010 playoffs. Almost like that pink bikini bottom.
The Skinny: Shaq's an aging superstar. He's cultivated a reputation with the move to Cleveland as the Great Facilitator, helping young wing men achieve their due successes (and young blogging men their ingulgent capitalizations). The question going into this season is whether he's focused or not. "Hey Shaq, wanna host Monday Night Raw and bumrush the White House?" "Why not." He looked focused in Phoenix (say that three times fast), but not on bettering his team or supposed protege Ama're Stoudamire. I don't think the Lebron train can be stopped, but I also don't think Shaq will be the contributor he was even last year.
Why he's #45: Maybe he won't even contribute enough to be considered for a list like this at the end of the season. Still, you can't discount Shaq's presence or his abilities. He didn't look like he could jump two inches when the Heat got swept out of the playoffs, but that wasn't the case last year. Diesel can still play. He still has great footwork, when he remembers to execute. Hopefully, the Cavs coaching staff is smart enough to utilize him a bit more effectively than did Phoenix's. Why is he this high? Because you never know, and he could pull out all the stops and go gangbusters on the season.
You gotta think he wants to break the top 5 career points list, and he enters this season 2,407 points behind Dr. J. If he played at last year's production - 75 games and over 1,300 points - for two years, he'd get there easily. He hadn't scored that much since 2004-2005, and don't expect him to get nearly 18 points a game again, even if the Cavs have been looking for a low post scorer since Lebron came into the league. Sure, Shaq would love to get into the top 4, since he knows Kobe can attain that 3 spot in only 5 more seasons. No wonder the Daddy's been talking about playing three more seasons. He's hoping he can get to the top 5 and stay there for at least a couple of years.
I got a little sidetracked. The point is, Shaq could play very well this season. He's looked fairly fit strutting his stuff the last few months. Why, then, is he not higher on this list? Because you never know with Shaq. He could throw up a big, big brick this season and pull an Iverson next year after his current deal is up. If not for the Phoenix trainers, Shaq very well could've been out of the league by now.
This may be the downside of Shaq having a new reality show on ABC. On this week’s episode of “Shaq Vs.” he challenged Olympians Misty-May Treanor and Kerry Walsh to a game of beach volleyball.
Well, Shaq lost and he had deal with the punishment of walking around in a pink Speedo in front of the television cameras.
That is one sight that I never planned on seeing and probably we will never see it again. So enjoy this moment America, here is Shaq in a “pink speedo”
So I'm definitely in the summer doldrums slump, but sports goes on. I'm not invested enough in baseball or football to care enough right now, so I've fallen to watching pro wrestling like I was 14 again. Let me say that it was 1998 when I was 14, as in right in the thick of the nWo, Monday night wars, and invasion storylines that drove the Attitude Era. Suffice it to say, things are different now. I've heard the current era called "the PG era," and it's just one more thing going slack during the recession. Still, things have to happen. Life doesn't stop long enough to always be interesting (though we try to make it so).
Randy Orton, Chris Jericho, and newly (almost) heel-turned CM Punk seem to be ushering in an age of heel dominance. The popular "faces" are not showing long term potential, as Jeffy Hardy is rumored not to be returning when his contract expires and Rey Mysterio, Jr. has pretty much peaked story-wise as the lovable little-guy/luchador. (A pairing with...Dolph Ziggler? Wait, who?) It's a sad state of a "sport" when the plus-40s are running it, as Shawn Michaels, Rick Flair, Brett Hart (all inactive at the moment), and the Undertaker are looked at to revive fan interest as we head towards Summer Slam. (Check out the FDH series on ideal events for a long view towards 'Mania 26) You could see it at Night of Champions, though I didn't (why pay per view when you can pick up the essentials on Youtube?). WWE doesn't have a hold on their fanbase's reactions.
Philly was dead on Sunday. Big Show was Jericho's big (pun...groan) surprise partner, and then the fans started cheering on Jericho despite huge heel promos lately. The fans also sent a bit of booing John Cena's way, which is not supposed to happen to one of the biggest faces in play right now. CM Punk? His heel turn and straight-edge posturing have been priceless and play off/up Jeff Hardy's popularity perfectly. But Punk lost Sunday night. Which begs the sad question: is this the farthest they're going to push the Punk story? Because, quite frankly, it's been the most intriguing thing in pro wrestling right now. Granted, the crowd at Smackdown Friday didn't really get the angle, but he turned in a nice promo Sunday.
Specifics aside, I thought about writing something a little thoughtful, a little Epochryphal, but it's been done already, and I'm not energetic enough to do the legwork necessary for a new spin on it all. If you didn't catch it, and you're interested in further reading, former McMahon foil Paul Heyman has a great piece up on The Heyman Hustle about how WWE screwed up five years ago and how the lack of talent influx is leading to the...well, lack of talent. And weak storylines. And there's no real competition making WWE push itself. Although, in my opinion, I think pro wrestling needs to take MMA, UFC stuff as a serious competitor if not a potential conqueror. See: Brock Lesnar's UFC 100 show, as well as Shaq's bid to compete with Lesnar. We'll get back to Shaq, but the last idea it's important to take away from Heyman's thoughts: Japanese wrestling. The Japan circuits have always been big. What I'd love to see is a bit of a recreation of what pro wrestling looks like. Bring in some of the talented Japanese wrestlers already performing stateside, especially in a kind of Invasion story line...though that might get a litte racist-undertones questionable. Never mind. Just a thought.
What there really is left to focus on in pro wrestling is Shaq's guest role as GM of this week's Monday Night Raw. It's one of the more interesting things to come out of the Donald Trump takeover gimmick, that Raw has new hosts every week. Seth Green was pretty good. ZZ Top was a little stiff. I'm hoping Shaq makes it exciting, and of course the 300 lb basketball player in the room...question is: will the Daddy get in the ring and make it physical? That's the one everyone will be watching for, of course.
Instead of getting serious, though five paragraphs in maybe it's too late not to be serious, I want to give a little heads up for any cross-over fans that may be attracted by Shaq's presence at Raw. In the spirit of the cross-over, what I want to do with the rest of this post is compare the 12 wrestlers from Night of Champions to 12 NBA Players. I didn't write about the ECW guys because, well, I don't care about ECW. And 'care' is a relative word here...
Randy Orton is Ron Artest: I wanted to start with Orton because I feel like he has to be a major player in the WWE's future. He's still young, but he's already one of the most important names, and he's got a great hook for potential story lines. He's evil, a viper. He's the Legend Killer. And he hears voices. With the snakey moniker and the sinuous fluidity of his game, you might think Kobe here, but the Mamba's too established. We got with Kob's new teammate Ron-Ron instead, because Orton and Artest both seem to assasinate the competition while marching to the beat of a different drummer. Artest is stepping in to the big time lights and the thought is Orton should be doing the same. Artest also has some questionable friends from his past. I really wish Orton's connection to Legacy would go away.
Triple H is Kobe Bryant: Speaking of Mr. 81, he's the perfect comparison for the Game. They've both been around for awhile and they're both consumate competitors. Furthermore, Triple H isn't the biggest guy around; he's not slouch, but he's more Kobe than Lebron if you get what I mean. He's the Cerebral Assasin, and what label is more perfectly suited for Kobe? Of course, with Triple H's marriage to the owner's daughter, he might have more in common with Phil Jackson, but that's another story.
John Cena is Lebron James: Might as well finish out the Night of Champions triumvirate with a comparison to the King. Both Lebron and Cena have been groomed to be headliners, but both have seemed to slip a bit recently. Everyone's probably familiar with James' gaffes, so I won't revisit them here (oh wait, how 'bout a link? The wonder of the interweb!). Cena just doesn't seem to work up a crowd anymore. So, though Lebron probably has more potential at this point, with his summer of slip ups, his personality's begging for this comparison.
Jeffy Hardy is Paul Pierce: He's an enigma, but really he's not that hard to understand. A fan favorite. A guy living out his dream as new champion. With the exuberance and high-flying game, I thought Dwight Howard right off the bat. Hardy's had a bit more of a path to the top, though, in which case Paul Pierce is the right comparison. Get out of here with the KG stuff, because Pierce has been steadier when it comes to career rises and falls and fan devotion. After winning that championship, KG became a bit of a questionable character, as he dogged lesser opponents. I can't see Hardy ever doing that. At least, here's hoping.
CM Punk is Dwight Howard: Punk doesn't ooze athleticism like Howard, but when you look at Punk's straight-edge angle the baby-faced Howard necessarily comes to mind. When he came out, Howard looked like the second coming of stars of old we didn't know we were missing. He also had that whole God thing going for awhile, until that illegitimate child un-did that. Punk becomes the comparison here as his straight-edge angle is souring quickly. Similar to Lebron, Dwight made a few missteps on his way to the NBA finals, most notably calling out his coach and getting suspended for rough play. To top it all off, of course, his team won without him. I don't think the WWE would be better off with Punk, but we'll see. Of course, the WWE and NBA are different animals, as heels are actually valued in pro wrestling as I've contended they should be in pro basketball.
Rey Mysterio, Jr. is Chris Paul: Do I even need to explain this one? They both have incredible control over their games and both can scare up a rabid following out of thin air (or howling, levee breaking air as it were). Mr. 619 is always pitted against the giants, and Chris Paul has shown considerable propensity for tackling the NBA's pillars, like taking the Spurs to the brink in the second round of 2008's playoffs. And, really, does it have to be more complicated than knowing both could easily play the role of unassuming overachiever at a family barbecue? I can just see it now.
Dolph Ziggler is Deron Williams: Just kidding.
John Morrison is Kevin Durant: I know Morrison wasn't on Sunday's Night of Champions ticket, but he looks to be the next face promoted, so I'm including him here. He's got the title match against Jeff Hardy on this Friday's Smackdown. I couldn't resist the comparison with Durantula, as they're both the veritable new kids to the adults' table, both have a nice set of good moves, and both have had some nice victories in their still young careers. With Hardy possibly taking a break from WWE, Morrison might be Punk's next rival, which could play quite well. Both Morrison and Durant haven't really shown audiences their true personalities, but they've both shown enough ability that we're intrigued.
Legacy are Coby Karl and Mike Dunleavy, Jr.: Seriously, maybe Ted DiBiase, Jr. and Cody Rhodes are decent wrestlers, but I'm just tired of them. I mean, is DiBiase a wrestler or the idiot boyfriend from Wedding Crashers? And why did I enjoy his father's one night turn on Raw more than anything he's ever done? Jeez Legacy, get off the jockstraps of your fathers. I threw in Coby Karl for the whole father thing, but really Legacy are more like the Indiana Pacers. They're nice pieces (and, really, Granger is great, but he doesn't make me care), but they're still waiting for their Orton to show up.
Chris Jericho is Kevin Garnett: Forget that Jericho has faced down some of the biggest names of his era and come away with a whole handful of championships, whereas KG only has the one. Jericho's going through a stage where he's trying to make the tag team genre matter, an initiative you can also see WWE pushing in Cena and Triple H teaming up against Orton and Legacy. KG didn't get that ring 'til he teamed up with the Truth. Furthermore, Jericho spent a good deal of his career being very well liked, but is not completing a full scale heel turn. We saw signs of the same from KG last season.
The Big Show is Shaquille O'Neal: At this point in his career, Shaq really only bears comparison to the laughably large guys in WWE. Shaq is probably past his Kane days (Kane's been looking good, but he needs a real match-up for crying out loud), and he does dip into the whole Great Khali-esque fiasco, but Big Show really is an apt comparison. Paul Heyman says Big Show is actually great at breaking new faces, and Shaq has done that throughout his career, from Penny Hardaway to Kobe, to Dwayne Wade, and now on to Lebron James. With the Big Show, it's hard to tell if he's a heel or a ham. Shaq suffers from the same dichotomy. Lastly, of course, if Shaq were to call himself the Big Show, it'd be one in what seems like a thousand names he's called himself including the word 'Big.'
Now the Big Question (can we get Allen Iverson on growth hormones to be the Big Answer?) is will Shaq get in the ring with Big Show Monday night? Or maybe he'll bring Brock Lesnar in with him! Anyway, two-ish months before NBA training camps get going. Lol.
We at OTB have been all over this summer's NBA free agency season. What with the major pieces falling in to place, it's time to take a step back and look at what really it all means for next season. To begin with, a little recap. San Antonio started it all off by trading for Richard Jefferson. Cleveland announced the trade for Shaq shortly afterwards. The Magic quickly made this series of acquisitions into an arms race by going off and trading for Vince Carter (oh, and by the way, who wins in an arms race but the profiteers?), effectively showing Hedo Turkoglu the door. Then, late Friday, Ron Artest announced his desire and reciprocated intention to sign with the Lakers. The Celtics, meanwhile, worked to get in on the fun by sending a handful of reps to persuade Rasheed Wallace to play for them, though Carter has been outspoken about wanting Rasheed to make Orlando into the new San Antonio Spurs and the original land of the aging free agents has also come calling.
In all the furor over the Artest signing and the courtship of Rasheed (interesting how they're both landing coastal/major-market since Detroit-Indiana), I think there still remains a player out there who could affect this whole scene. His name is Lamar Odom. Not only do the Lakers NEED to re-sign him now that Ariza is gone and Odom-pal Artest is in the fold, the Lakers need to sign him because he is their emotional core. If he departs, the chemistry in Lala-land looks a lot less hunky-dory. I could talk specific player dynamics and interaction, or I could give you one eye opening macrophenomenal reason Odom is so important right now.
First, let's look at the other teams. Who are the emotional leaders there? Lebron, obviously, in Cleveland. Garnett in Boston. Chauncey Billups on the conspicuously quiet Nuggets. Duncan and Pop in SA. Dwight How...well, we'll get to the Magic in a second. And those are your honest to goodness contenders for next season. And none of them stack up well against the Lakers if Lamar Odom re-signs. Here's why.
When you look at a team's chemistry, their emotional make-up and composure, you don't always look to the most emotional or talented player for that. You look slightly to the left. Okay, in Cleveland, Lebron makes his own way, but perhaps that's cause for concern. In Boston, it's not KG that leads the team in huddles and pre-game chants, it's Paul Pierce. Though 'Melo is the most talented player in Denver and Chris "Birdman" Anderson is the most fiery, it took Chauncey to make them into the contender they now are. San Antonio is so professional it doesn't need an emotional nexus, and I can probably get away with saying that because they take after their coach.
And what about Orlando? Where do they get their emotional center? It's not from their big, affable superstar of a center. No, he was too busy trying to figure out a post move or else bashing his coach for trying to hide his struggles. I honestly think Dwight will get there, but he's not there yet. He's still on call out, folks. Where else could the Magic turn for their emotional core? Not Rashard Lewis. He's too busy trying not to make mistakes, because he thinks that justifies his huge contract. (Please drive more next season, Rashard. Show us that brashness that put you in the green room even though it turned out so horribly.) Jameer Nelson is only three years older than D-Ho and only now coming in to his own as a player. AND coming off of injury. Maybe, someday, he too will be able to team with D-Ho in leadership, but for now the Magic are struggling in that department.
Don't look for Vinsanity to step into that void, either. He played second fiddle to Devin Harris (and there are very few emotions, channel-able ones at least, on a team that lost as much as New Jersey did last year) and has been shrinking from leadership for years now. But let's look at all that player movement. Turkoglu, probably moving North of the border next year, was the closest thing to an emotional leader the Magic had on their run to the finals. What about the solid six? Denver's not making any substantial moves, and San Antonio's not going anywhere. Cleveland and Boston, however, have committed incredibly risky nexus faux pas in their free agent acquisitions.
Lebron has been the established leader in everything for that team since he got there, which reminds me a little of a queen bee and how the rest of her hive are simply extensions of her will. Didn't you kind of get that feeling watching him orchestrate those pre-game antics last year? Now, the Big Jester is coming to town, and though you suspect Steve Nash or Ama're Stoudamire should have been more of a focal point for that Phoenix team's personality, Shaq totally dominated the way that team functioned, to the point of mimicking Lebron's movements. I have no doubt the two will get along in 09-10, and the rest of the Cavs will probably love Shaq, but what I'd be concerned with if I was Danny Ferry, Mike Brown, and the King, is whether or not Shaq will become the attitudinal core of that team to the point of making Lebron's championship aspirations slightly marginalized.
The Celtics, in bringing in Rasheed, also bring in a personality who's used to be being the nucleus of his team's composition. Oftentimes Rasheed doesn't get the respect he deserves for being an emotional leader, but he's always been that. Sure, he goes off on refs and shatters records for technical fouls, but he's also the guy who cares deeply for the other players, who doesn't care how many touches he gets as long as his team's feng shui is satisfied. Actually, I think Lamar Odom is better at accurately sensing his team's needs and metamorphosing to meet them. So, I kinda tongued my cheek at the Palace Brawl earlier, and I want to bring in one salient fact. Rasheed did not get suspended because of the tussle. Smart maybe--you don't need a team mate to be as gung-ho loyal as Stephen Jackson was--but even Reggie Miller got a one game suspension. I think Lamar would be there for his team mates, and Rasheed is a little bit too chilled out.
In many ways, Lamar and Rasheed are the most similar players in this free agent class. Here's the one telling piece of evidence you need to see: both Lamar and Rasheed lead their teams in pre-game rituals. That's right. It wasn't Kobe or Derek Fisher or Phil Jackson in the middle of that 1-2-3-ring! circle the Lakers ran last season; it was Lamar. In the same fashion, Rasheed led the Pistons in pre-game fervor-stirring (this dance has more energy than the one above, that's just a better shot video). Despite the similarities, Lamar's signing will be more important than Rasheed's. Why? Because no team should have more than one emotional firebrand. The Magic have none. The Cavs and Celts now have two.
Ron Artest, despite the wake of soundbytes he creates, will not disrupt this balance for the Lakers. On the Rockets, Ron-Ron allowed Shane Battier to be the man leading the chants. He sacrificed in the wrong ways, speaking to the media and having the loudest on-court game but never fully developing as an emotional leader. On the Lakers, he will complement Lamar as Kobe already does. In my mind, I imagine a bi-pedal emotional structure, like the dinosaurs that eventually became birds. Artest and Bryant are the legs that can push off from the media baseline, and Fisher is the tail that provides balance. Odom is the body that will allow this team to grow and take to the sky.
Let me explain something to you. I used to love Shaq. This perhaps is not a big surprise considering that I'm a lifetime Lakers fan. But understand this, when my high school buddies were lauding the lithe game of Kobe, I was hating on the Mamba for driving a wedge into our team at all times. Of course I love or perhaps more accurately empathize with New Kobe, but that's a different story. The point is I defended Shaq 'til I was blue in the face. I pointed to his joviality and the camaraderie he instilled in the team. I pointed to the 15 point quarters he'd regularly throw up. I'd point to the cross-overs he'd break out a couple times a season (on Brad Miller) or when the Daddy led the break. I even went so far as to emulate his free-throw shooting style. But I never defended his thespian turns. Never that.
Now, perhaps all my opinions have been reconsidered. After Shaq has unerringly created a wake of teams he's worn away from, after he's become the only superstar journeyman (Orlando, LA, Miami, Phoenix, and now Cleveland...the first cold city for Shaqtus, could he pull a Rubio?), after his ceaseless speaking of the Truth turned to verbal diarrhea, I admittedly have grown a bit tired of the Big Name-is-Bigger-than-Game. I don't need to know how his ass tastes, because I know the sound his face makes. With this in mind, Shaq's latest bid for histrionic-est player ever comes as a welcome reminder of why I loved him in the first place: his humor. It was a wise choice too to make the video statement without his own words. Cut the diarrhea like Imodium A-D. Your actions, or act-ing, can speak much more elegantly than your words, Shaquille.
The video is hilarious. It follows Shaq on an evidently emotional car ride as he sings along to Akon's 'Over the Edge.' Shaq puts the car in park several times to jump out and let his real emotions show. It was posted via twitter when the trade to Cleveland was confirmed, along with the line, "this is how I really feel about the trade." At the beginning, you can't tell if he's showing tracks of tears, or if he's just sweating. But by the end, he's wiping his eyes, and you know he's at least feigning some real emotion here. The best is when Shaq rocks out and really goes "over the edge" for the last minute or so of the vid.
Now, it's obvious that Shaq's being silly with it, and pretending to be more hurt by his expulsion from the desert than he probably really is. However, from Shaq's overly revealing twitter hits from the past, and from all the trouble he gets in for voicing his rather bratty emotions, it's apparent Shaq's a little more sensitive than he lets on. He covers with humor, as do so many of us. The great thing about this gesture is that it allows him to show he's recognizes the bittersweet undertone to his leaving the Suns without totally trashing on the new experiences that will be afforded by this trade. Nicely done Big. Perhaps I underrated your acting abilities. Perhaps I am intrigued by the dangling bait of "Shaqology coming soon" at the end of the vid. Perhaps I'll find redemption for my once thriving Shaq fanship while you pursue that fifth in Cleveland. You got the world to watch you Shaq. Here's hoping you do something worthwhile with it.
In or out of basketball, and let's also hope you don't conflate the two...too much. (head-lining vid courtesy of NBA Fanhouse)
In February, a trade sending Vince Carter to the Spurs was rumored. Instead, the Spurs traded for Richard Jefferson earlier this week. With today's trade to the Orlando Magic, Carter avoids becoming next on the long list of vets on their last legs brought in to help the Spurs. This list includes Michael Finley (the most successful), Brent Barry, Nick Van Exel, Robert Horry, Damon Stoudamire, Kurt Thomas, Austin Croshere, and even Drew Gooden (admittedly not on his last legs quite yet). Seriously San Anton, who's next? Allen Iverson? Rasheed Wallace? Do they get a pension with that retirement plan? Furthermore, Half-Man Half-Amazing also trumps Shaq's move to become the big name vet bettering his situation this summer, even if it is only a one year hire. You gotta think Vince to Orlando is more promising than Diesel to Cleveland. The only question is what happens to Hedo now? And what is Minny doing with all those point guards?
This trade has been rumored for awhile. On the eve/early morn of draft day, sources confirm that the Daddy's going to Cleveland to team with the King. Should be fun. What I'm really looking for, however, is what kind of pre-game routines the two will come up with once this deal really goes through. And of course, you can't count out the significance of the Kobe-Lebron AND Kobe-Shaq storylines converging on Christmas day. Schedule makers, don't let us down!
Actually, if you can opt for the subtle choice...well, there is no subtle choice for Christmas day showdowns, is there? It's for the masses. I guess I just have to get over my hot air pretension.
Trouble on Krypton (that's the planet, for you non-believers, not the florid green jersey Nate wore, which would be kryptonite). Dwight, the chosen son, continues the criticism of SVG that began with Shaq's inflammatory comments. Hard to believe that the other Gundy brother had been the rather heavy favorite for CoY prior to Shaq's media tongue lashing. Maybe Diesel really is from another planet. Following is a (top secret, apparently) video of Shaq convulsing toward his bathroom then goofing around in the mirror. That whole heart beat thing really just makes me think Shaq's hands double as defibrillator paddles. If that's the case, he must've been visiting the Rockets Sunday and the Celtics Tuesday. Oh, and don't forget about the Mavs. But they might be too far gone even for Dr. Diesel.
Since I'm on an off week for Epochrypha, and seeing as my soupe du jouror, rather, soupe de la saison (i.e. the NBA) isn't top news right now, I figured it'd be a good time serve up the first helping of Era-ta, which will taste pretty much like the bi-weekly but be a little less meaty (cf. clam chowder vs. corn chowder). For now, Great Sports Names, some guy named Tiger, and a little Madness may thicken the air, but in a week or two you're going to want to turn your attention back to the only league that insists on calling itself an association. The following tidbits won't make you more knowledgeable come NBA postseason, they won't help you win any sports bar arguments with your buddies, but it should keep your appetite whetted and keep you feeling superior to your boxscore billeted "peers". So tuck your bibs in boys and girls and get that saliva going. Here we go.
So, last Epochrypha, I talked about parity as probably good for ratings, and fan excitement, and etc. I also talked about polarity being better for narrative creation (incidentally, case study: Kobe). Whatever. Who cares. People who care say 32 to 50 wins make an average, and if you look at the East it's actually quite paritous (to borrow a page from the Shaqtus book of spelling). The West, however, is a mess, mostly because six or seven teams are projected to win more than 50 games and nearly the same amount are projected to win less than 30. Yawn. But here's the wake-up call. The Toronto Raptors look to fall just outside that paritous zone. Makes sense when you look at their season, but not when you look at a game like Sunday night's. Bosh puts up 31 and 15 and Calderon dished out 19 to push them over the right at .500 Bulls. With stars who can perform like that, you gotta think they do well, but they don't. Similarly, look at the New Jersey Nets. By all accounts, Vince Carter and Devin Harris are having excellent years, and Brook Lopez is showing himself as a solid contributor, if not more. They're well within the paritous zone but fairly far from the playoffs at this point. Sure their bench sucks, but with feel good stories like that you'd think they'd be a little closer to pushing the woeful Pistons from the postseason. Then, look at the top of the standings in the East. Three teams projecting into the 60-win range. Cleveland, sure. But Boston hasn't had the season people expected by any stretch of the imagination. Still, 60-ish wins. And Orlando? Maybe Dwight's stepped up his game. But Lewis and Turkoglu haven't had significantly better seasons than they did last year. And Jameer Nelson went out after a game over half a season. How is that a 60 win team? What I'm getting at is the impropriety of perception. Feel good stories don't mean squat at the end of the season. They might be good for the pundits and bloggers, or the casual fans, but they don't get you to the postseason. No, what does that is mid-season streaks and "no news is good news" style of ball. See: Spurs (Yawn).
Hate to keep beating a dead horse, but people keep writing about my idea and not giving me credit. Following that link, you'll find a Marc Stein piece on what this year's playoffs would like if the division winners could select their first round opponents. It's good to see the idea extended and applied like that. What I find intriguing is actually all the stories you'd get from teams' internal bickering over which opponent to choose. You can just imagine Dwight Howard telling the press that he'd have picked Detroit if he had the choice, even though it'd probably be a bad basketball decision. It'd be another chance to see the star egos at play, which is always fun.
Stein's been doing a bunch of foward-looking thinking (and I'm not talking about drooling over Blake Griffin), which is commendable. He gives quite a full FAQ about the possibility of a lockout, so if you want to be knowledgeable about the party after the after-party, you can check that out. What interests me more, however, is the quiet mention that Stern's going to propose the pick-your-poison playoff scheme to the NBA's shrouded-in-mist "competition committee." This really intrigues me, because I've heard this semi-governing body bandied about the blogosphere a bit, but I have absolutely no idea what it is. Who's on it? Does it simply entail Stern going back to his boudoir (don't ask me why all the French), sticking ideas on a dart board, and playing pop the balloon? Okay, a hot second of poking around reminds that the competition committee led the decision to make the perimeter a wing's feeding frenzy. And it's headed by Jerry Colangelo, who is responsible for both the national Redeem Team and, partially, the Phoenix incarnation. Also, the NFL has a competition committee. Still, no other period in sports would produce such a method of getting things done. So maybe there were groups of guys who made the decisions about how games should look before, but they never needed to be referred to as some kind of shadowy recourse for all the tough questions put to the commissioner.
Maybe I was wrong to quote the Kobster on this twitter stuff. I mean why look to the guys who are abstaining to tell you how good the forbidden fruit is? I criticized the breaking of the fourth wall for making athletes all the more unreachable and distant, making their presentable facade leak in to their actual lives, which is sad. However, who's the king of all this? The Big Antithesis (to Kobe), of course. And how does the Diesel do it? By being more real than we've ever seen a star athlete be. Sure, his actions remind more of a 20 year old than a 37 year old. Still, we can't discount how refreshing it is to see an athlete frequenting normal places, like a diner or department store. Also, it's pleasantly revealing to know he can't sleep sometimes, just like most people, and to see the hilariously mundane photos he takes when insomnia strikes.
Louis Amundson, he of recent Stepping Up fame, apparently called Nene a "dirty player" and "fake tough guy." Accusations of dirty have been flying all over the league this year. But I love Nene's response. He calls Amundson a "stupid dude" and says, "That was no head butt. That is nothing ... If I do a head butt, I break all of his face. That was nothing.'' He also says George Karl talks to him about control, but what he's really trying to work on is patience. Me? I'm patiently waiting for all this dirty talk to hit the competition committee fan.
Okay, the title definitely isn't true. However, Shaq is pretty funny once he gets going, as illustrated in this YouTube clip I found of Shaq free styling on the Team USA bus back in the day.
Highlights include "Now watch me bump this like Dave Justice" and "Bring that beat back" after an awkward pause. Hard to make out a lot of the words, but pretty silly stuff.
Shaq is a goofy dude. In this video he disses on (then) Sacramento Kings Center Vlade Divac for thinking the Lakers couldn't win on the road in the playoffs. The diss is truly amazing though, as it's sung to the tune of the Cheers theme song which Shaq has playing on his cell phone. Enjoy.
One of the funniest commercials I have seen in a while, I caught this on ESPN the other day while getting my car fixed. I'm sure a lot of our readers have seen it already, but it's definitely worth a second look.
I also found a pretty funny Shaq postgame interview where he messes with a reporter. If you're interested, check that out here.
