I Would Own A Gun, But...

We just got back from a several day road trip.  While this doesn't REALLY have much to do with the rest of this post, I must give a little update on what we did.  This was our trip to go and see the play 'Wicked.'  I have only one word for the experience:  WOW!!!  Words just aren't enough to say how much I enjoyed the play and performances--ESPECIALLY the performances.  I'm not sure I would have loved this as much if the part of the Wicked Witch would have been played by someone other than the girl who was in Tuesday's performance, because she was absolutely amazing.  I don't know when I have heard such a powerful voice come out of such a (relatively) tiny body.  But, this amazing time began with our traveling and my wanting to own a gun...

I've said on more than one occasion that there are two reasons why K won't 'let' me own a gun.  First, he'd be very afraid that he wouldn't see his next birthday if I had a gun at my disposal and, two, if I didn't do him in, he would be afraid that I would leave a long line of drivers dead by the side of the road.  And Monday gave me a good indication of how right he is to be afraid--some drivers don't deserve to LIVE, much less have licenses.

I sleep whenever we travel.  It all started when I was kid and had car sickness:  The sleeping helped keep me from getting nauseous.  Sleeping had/has become such a habit with me, that I continue to do it to this day.  I have told K that I HAVE to sleep because he makes me so nervous with his driving--and he IS a good driver, I'm just a nervous passenger.  I found out on Monday that I need to sleep just so I don't have to experience the OTHER drivers on the road.  I usually sleep until we are within a mile of our destination, but on Monday I woke much earlier than usual, so I got to see what goes on when I'm passed out.  And it was more than a little frightening.  As I was stretching and attempting to clear the cobwebs from my sleepy mind, I began to pay attention to what was going on around us.  And there are some drivers--most?--who should not be on the road.  This is what I saw in a mile-long stretch as we were racing down the interstate at 70+ MPH...

• The first driver I noticed was hugging the center line and I pointed her out to K, while telling him to watch out.  As we passed her, I saw she was fixing her hair as she drove down the highway.  Now, she wasn't just moving her hair around, she was fluffing and combing and straightening and patting her hair with BOTH hands.  WITHOUT any hands on the steering wheel.  No wonder she couldn't keep the car moving in a straight line.
• The very next car we passed was being driven by a guy, who I am CONVINCED is a serial killer.  I SWEAR, when he glanced at me, that I saw flames shoot out of his eyeballs.  And I KNOW he would've ended my life with just a little more than a look, if he wanted.  I'm completely sure his picture is hanging in the post office...he was very, very scary.
• And finally, the third car we passed was being driven by a guy, also.  Now, 'driven' probably isn't the proper term for what he was doing, because I have no idea HOW he was steering this vehicle.  The first thing I noticed about him was that he had an iPad in his left hand and he was reading it.  Yeah, while going down the highway.  BUT that wasn't all.  He also had a cellphone squished between his right ear and shoulder and was talking on it.  And it gets better.  He was WRITING on a pad of paper with his right hand.  I know, I MUST have seen wrong.  Nope.  I looked more than once just to make sure I saw what I saw and didn't imagine it.  I have no idea how he steered the car--and I don't know if I WANT to know.

So, in the space of one mile, if I had a gun, I would have shot and killed three people.  Maybe K has a point and I WOULDN'T be a responsible gun owner.

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Okay, This Is Creepy

I'm not sure who actually decided that clowns should be marketed for kids, but I think it's time that this practice stops.  Most clowns are NOT kid-friendly--actually, they are rather creepy and scary.  And for anyone who ever saw the movie 'It,' then they are REALLY scary!  This is why this story just baffles the hell out of me.

mental_floss posted a story of 'Evil Clown.'  Evil Clown can be hired by parents to stalk and threaten kids for the week leading up to their birthdays and, at some time during the seven days, smash a birthday cake in the kid's face.  If the kid avoids the cake-smash, it is given to him/her as a birthday gift.  (The entire story, along with a picture, can be read here.)  And this is supposed to be fun, because "most kids absolutely love being scared senseless."

I will have to take exception to the previous quote.  I don't know about you, but I never would consider being stalked, being sent threatening emails/texts, receiving prank phone calls, and having traps set in my mailbox as fun.  And I'M an adult!  I can't imagine what a kid would think if these things were happening to him.  I would imagine psychologists would think this is a great idea because there are going to be MANY kids needing therapy if this catches on.  Good grief--the things people think of.

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Trolls

I MUST be moving up in the world because I got myself my very own spammer troll today.  A lot of 'comments' were left on some of my older posts--all in some Oriental characters.  (NOT sure if it is Chinese or something else.)  And here I thought someone else had found all of my writing inspiring enough to comment on, only to find out it was nothing but spam.  :D

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Question

Isn't it just being pretentious to use the term 'films' instead of just saying 'movies?' The people who say 'films' are just trying to put those of us who call them 'movies' in our place--like we aren't cool enough to be in their club, or something. Sorry, but those people are total assclowns, in my opinion.

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Assclown Defined, Part 3

See that picture over to the left? He is the newest member of my Assclown collection. Why, you say? Here is the story from the Erie Times-News:


"The Canadian Football League fined Toronto Argonauts receiver Arland Bruce an undisclosed amount for "excessive actions" during his tribute to Michael Jackson after scoring a touchdown.

After scoring on a 21-yard pass that put Toronto ahead 6-0, Bruce removed his helmet, shoulder pads and uniform top, then laid down in the end zone. Bruce said he was honoring the memory of Jackson by pretending to be buried.

Referees gave Bruce two objectionable conduct penalties for his actions in the game, which the Argonauts won 30-17 Wednesday."


I mean, REALLY????????????? Yep, he's an assclown.

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So You Really Didn't Want To Host Thanksgiving Dinner?

I know I am a controlling person--well, at least as much as I am allowed to be. But, this is WAY over the edge. I found this posted on ackwardfamilyphotos.com and had a hard time believing it was true--until I followed the link to the blog where it first appeared. The woman who posted this said it was received by her friend's co-worker, whose sister wrote it. When you think you have seen everything on the interwebs, something this great comes along.

From: Marney

As you all know a fabulous Thanksgiving Dinner does not make itself. I need to ask each of you to help by bringing something to complete the meal. I truly appreciate your offers to assist with the meal preparation.

Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time, I COULD NOT BE MORE SERIOUS when I am providing you with your Thanksgiving instructions and orders. I am very particular, so please perform your task EXACTLY as I have requested and read your portion very carefully. If I ask you to bring your offering in a container that has a lid, bring your offering in a container WITH A LID, NOT ALUMINUM FOIL! If I ask you to bring a serving spoon for your dish, BRING A SERVING SPOON, NOT A SOUP SPOON! And please do not forget anything.

All food that is to be cooked should already be prepared, bring it hot and ready to serve, warm or room temp. These are your ONLY THREE options. Anything meant to be served cold should, of course, already be cold.

HJB—Dinner wine

The Mike Byron Family
1. Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips so don’t feel like you a have to feed an army.
2. Two half gallons of ice cream, one must be VANILLA, I don’t care what the other one is. No store brands please. I did see an ad this morning for Hagan Daz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream, yum!! (no pressure here, though).
3. Toppings for the ice cream.
4. A case of bottled water, NOT gallons, any brand is ok.

The Bob Byron Family
1. Green beans or asparagus (not both) in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. If you are making the green beans, please prepare FOUR pounds, if you are making asparagus please prepare FIVE pounds. It is up to you how you wish to prepare them, no soupy sauces, no cheese (you know how Mike is), a light sprinkling of toasted nuts, or pancetta, or some EVOO would be a nice way to jazz them up.
2. A case of beer of your choice (I have Coors Light and Corona) or a bottle of clos du bois chardonnay (you will have to let me know which you will bring prior to 11/22).

The Lisa Byron Chesterford Family
1. Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level. You can bring an hors d’ouvres. A few helpful hints/suggestions. Keep it very light, and non-filling, NO COCKTAIL SAUCE, no beans of any kind. I think your best bet would be a platter of fresh veggies and dip. Not a huge platter mind you (i.e., not the plastic platter from the supermarket).

The Michelle Bobble Family
1. Stuffing in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please make the stuffing sans meat.
2. 2.5-3 qts. of mashed squash in a casserole with a lid and serving spoon
3. Proscuitto pin wheel - please stick to the recipe, no need to bring a plate.
4. A pie knife

The June Davis Family
1. 15 LBS of mashed potatoes in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please do not use the over-size blue serving dish you used last year. Because you are making such a large batch you can do one of two things: put half the mash in a regulation size casserole with lid and put the other half in a plastic container and we can just replenish with that or use two regulation size casserole dishes with lids. Only one serving spoon is needed.
2. A bottle of clos du bois chardonnay

The Amy Misto Family (why do I even bother she will never read this)
1. A pumpkin pie in a pie dish (please use my silver palate recipe) no knife needed.
2. An apple pie in a pie dish, you can use your own recipe, no knife needed.

Looking forward to the 28th!!

Marney

It isn't often that I am left speechless, but this is one of those times.

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Please!!! Don't Reproduce!!!!

Not Always Right has stories of some of the MOST stupid people I have ever heard of. Here is a great example:

Me: “[Beauty supply store], how can I help you?”

Caller: *almost sobbing* “I need help! Do you know about permanent waves?”

Me: “Yes, we carry a few different brands. Did you buy one here?”

Caller: “No, I had one done by a friend. I don’t know where she bought it. I need to know…is it true that you can get pregnant if you have a perm while you’re on your period?”

(At this point I’m hoping it’s a prank call. I try to keep my voice professional.)

Me: “No, ma’am. A perm can’t cause that.”

Caller: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, I am 100% positive having your hair permed can’t make you pregnant.”

Caller: “Oh, thank God!” *hangs up*

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Assclown Defined

So, does anyone know who this assclown is?




His name is Kanye West and I guess he supposedly is a singer or something.* I've heard the name and hope to NEVER hear it again. I just was made aware of something he said and I am LIVID that anyone who commands the attention of so many young people would say such an assclowny thing!!!

His quote:

"Sometimes people write novels and they just be so wordy and so self-absorbed. I am not a fan of books. I would never want a book's autograph. I am a proud non-reader of books."

I cannot believe his trainers let him SAY such a thing. How proud his family must be. I certainly hope someone with more credibility comes along and denounces him for the idiot he is.

(At least this gave me something to obsess about besides the game tonight! ;))



*And yes, this is total sarcasm.

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