It has been a really long week as I patiently waited for my foot to heal - I didn't go to work or even look at my thesis. I spent it on the bed with two supportive toy poodles watching crap TV. I have been really good, listened to everything the physio said, tried not to take it out on my partner and stay positive. I'll admit the last one was extremely difficult a couple of times - when I am in something, I am IN it. But, as always, I used it as an opportunity to take stock, re-evaluate things, which I am still doing.
I am formulating a plan based on the physical, psychological and spiritual aspects of what has been happening to me lately. Of course they are all intertwined but sometimes I have to separate things so I can figure out what my next step is going to be - ironically, because I have had only one functional foot - God we take our feet, our bodies for granted. That's the critical wake-up call. It's not like I haven't heard that one before, it's just that I don't listen. I expect unreasonable things from my body, and although I put good food and vitamins into it, I don't really care for it like I should.
Injuries and illnesses for me are always linked to some psycho-spiritual crisis - it just takes me a while to figure it out. I can't say I have completely worked this one out but getting the worst flu in 20 years and injuring my foot twice in the same stupid way, all in 3 months, is telling me something. Start with the physical: get the long term problems with the body sorted. That means some physio then some deep-tissue massage.
Next, make the commitment to change some very deep-seated negative emotions which are at the basis of all of this. That's going to be long-term and probably very difficult but I mean to start. It includes some yogic type body movement and some meditation. Unfortunately if I am going to pay for all of this I will have to keep my job teaching drawing to often ungrateful Media and Graphics students, which is one of the things I would like to shed at the moment because it can be literally soul-destroying. The other part of my job is a bit different. I don't really know why but deep down, I know I need to be working with Aboriginal people.
One of the interesting outcomes of this period though is the importance of music in my life. I have had many thwarted attempts at getting that really happening, the most successful was a 2 year stint singing, learning and playing the electric bass in a band my muso partner started. But my first love has always been wind instruments. I did clarinet for a while, and bagpipes. I pick things up quickly but because I prefer to play by ear (and don't want to learn to read music) my musical career is limited. Regardless, there is an alto saxophone on the way, just like the one pictured.
