This is a self portrait I did many years ago - I see myself as a very flawed 'angel' - definitely no saint.
I used to think I needed to be perfect before I could contribute anything useful to the world, to other people. I hid out, avoided the world at large. When I started my job as a TAFE lecturer several years ago I felt completely unprepared - I didn't know enough, I didn't have all the answers. Somewhere along the line I think I have contributed something. I guess it's a bit like parenthood.
Sitting in a retreat or monastery preparing for death just so you can choose a better incarnation is a luxury that few can afford. It also seems to be missing the point of being incarnated in the first place. I believe we are incarnated to undertake a journey of consciousness but it has occurred to me lately that the adepts who spend their lives in 'blissful' meditation are very fearful of the afterlife. I don't dispute what they predict because I have experienced things that confirm what they say, in life we can encounter what we will also encounter in death. Consciousness goes on. Be aware of death so you can live your life awake, yes, I get that. But to not live a full life, one that includes love, sex, food, fear, art, music - ?
I hate suffering too, so I get why you would want to avoid it in endless reincarnations BUT - I don't know - I still don't have all the answers.
