With all the time I’ve been spending on YouTube, I thought it would be cool to do a bracket pitting the best videos of each NBA playoff team against each other. I would use the play-off seedings as determined Wednesday night, and see who came out the champion of NBA team viral (or perhaps just bacterial) videos. When I went to go find fitting first round videos, it turned out it was much more ambitious than I initially anticipated. I would either have to know off the top of my head which videos I’d want to use for each team, or I’d have to do a whole Reptar Bar’s worth of picking and perusing. Anyway, it wasn’t going to happen. It’s a good thing too, since I would’ve been hard pressed to get past a questionable Lakers bias in any selection process (although, c’mon, what team can boast a series of videos as strong as the one featuring both Mamba and Machine?).
But, swimming through these thoughts, I came up with what might be a better one. Everyone loves a comparison, right? What I’ll do is compare the 16 playoff teams to 16 “iconic” internet videos, especially since those are always fun to trot out and spend a half hour with (give or take an hour or two). Following are the comparisons with a bit of rationale. Bracket-style, just because we’ve got playoffs on the brain.
EAST:
1. Cleveland - Evolution of Dance
The Cavs can be a little wacky, and a bit of a one man show at times, but in the end you can't help but feel good watching these kids grow laughingly into juggernaut shoes. You may even laugh and feel a little condescending towards them for their antics, but that's your problem. You gotta love a motivational speaker who's actually got moves.
8. Detroit - grape lady falls
This is just ghastly. A wreck you can't look away from. It's hard to say whether the poor woman is Iverson in this comparison or if it's the whole Pistons team that's sputtering. And yet, as with the team and this season, you can't help trying to look beyond the video to see if the woman might actually be okay.
2. Boston - Chocolate Rain
This one's got layers. I mean, Tay Zonday writes a song about racial inequality but catches internet fire for: "I move away from the mic to breathe in." When KG didn't want to come to Boston, it was partially because he felt "chocolate" players weren't well received in Bean-town. Lately though, all we can say is we hope this latest announcement re: KG's knee is merely a chance to catch the Celtic's breath.
7. Chicago - Star Wars Kid
Like the innocent wunderkind of this video, the Bulls have stumbled into the playoffs, flailing through moves that seem ostentatious but perhaps lack some fundamental meaning. For a time, this team was the darling of the interweb, but a splintering loss has revealed private, inner demons like those forever haunting Ghyslain Raza. Can the Bulls expunge their demons like Obi Wan did Darth Maul? Only time and Tyrus Thomas will tell.
3. Orlando - Where the Hell is Matt?
Because Orlando's been a great road team for a few years now. Because the video is one of ebullient dancing, and that's what the Magic do. From the paint where D-Ho patrols to the long bombs the rest of the team rains relentlessly down, this is a precipitous team. Injuries, of course, have left us wondering, where the hell is Jameer? where the hell is Hedo?
6. Philadelphia - Afro Ninja
Mark Hicks is a stuntman, which reminds a bit of this uber-athletic Philly crew. The Sixers enjoy a rich history in the city of brotherly love, which makes the afro essential. Coming in to the season, they looked like deadly assassins bred in the depths of night. They kinda fell on their faces. Still, 6th ain't nothing to sneeze at. Also, the most fulfilling 18 seconds of your day.
4. Atlanta - most t-shirts worn at one time/noah takes a photo of himself
The work of Matt McAllister and Noah Kalina gets the nod here because the Hawks have been a quietly efficient team this season. Their first-round opponent the Heat have been much more heralded. However, Atlanta has not been unimpressive. Not Guinness World Record setting "impressive", but still. They're kinda like that really incredible thing that happens gradually and when all's said and done, you gotta nod your head just a little bit.
5. Miami – Lonely Island
D-Wade and the Heat have been a bit of an other man's story this season. Dwayne was the other MVP candidate, kinda like a boss. Beasley has been the forgotten stand-out rookie. A young feel due to the rookie coach and starter(s). Thus, the entire oeuvre of Lonely Island seems appropriate. Slightly ludicrous, with guest appearances by the likes of T-Pain (that's you Jermaine), but most importantly something you need to tell a friend about.
WEST:
1. Lakers - All Your Base Are Belong to Us
It doesn't get much more classic than this. The Lakers' have been taking names and giving numbers all season. Someone set us up the bomb? Would that be Memphis? And would that be the good kind a la trading Pau for Kwame? Or the bad kind a la injuring Andrew Bynum two years running? It doesn't take a quick kick to the crotch to let the world know the Lakers were this season's cream de la crop.
8. Utah - peanut butter jelly time!
This was just not a good season for Utah. In other words, it's time they got fishing and got their oh-so permissive Russian wives to pack them a sandwich or three. The Jazz might as well have been dancing bananas out there, with all the injuries taking the wind out of their sails. Still, with Deron Williams, Boozer, Millsap, etc. on the roster, you can't say this team doesn't pack some around-the-water-cooler-talk punch.
2. Denver - daft hands/bodies
Even with the trade of Iverson mid-season, this team remains the tat-team-to-beat. Especially with the resurgence of Chris "Birdman" Anderson. Thus, the Daft Punk themed videos had to get the call for their excellent use of body ink and team movement. The juxtaposition of Mr. Big Shot with the once disparate pieces on this team provided a pleasantly crunchy season for the Nugs. Plus, no one's giving them the credit of a 2-seed going in to the post-season. When the boxes come off the heads, this team will be seen for the truly sexy pick that they are.
7. New Orleans - One Man Band/Guitar ('Canon')
Okay, so David West can ball. But that championship push named Posey? Seems like just a push. And, more and more, this is seeming like the team that CP3 builds. Can we get the Jazz name back for the NOLA team? A better reason to go with these music videos in the non-tv sense is Paul's complete control over the court. He knows exactly where to place his body to throw all the other instruments swirling around just as he wants them.
3. SA - Leave Britney Alone
I'll admit, I wasn't quite sure to do with this pairing. I wanted the Chris Crocker vid on this bracket, but who else could it go with? Basically, I'm calling this team a bunch of whiners (It's not the most apt description, but I wouldn't rescind it unless under Duncan's stare duress). At least they know what they want. The Spurs want the Larry O'Brien, and they just want the other teams to leave it alone. Not everyone loves the way this is done, but you gotta appreciate the commitment.
6. Dallas - Numa Numa
Similar to the Orlando pick, we expect ebullient play from the likes of Dirk, JET, and what-da-Kidd-did. A few weeks ago, they looked to be fighting for that last playoff spot and a Lakers ushering out of the playoffs. Instead, they crested just right, and now find themselves in an enviable position. Like Gary Brolsma, the Mavs come from a place of seeming innocuousness and look to blow it up like no other. This is like the Star Wars Kid coming from a place where inner demons have already been wrestled with and expelled.
4. Portland - diet coke and mentos
Portland is a well oiled machine, moving from one offensive set to the next. We love their precision and their direction. Thus, the ingenious work of Fitz Grobe and Steve Voltz perfectly parallels Portland's thrumming season. They might not be the most flashy, but with Roy at the helm, they take the truly mundane and turn it into something amazing and jaw dropping. More so, this vid is a recreation of the casino Bellagio's fountains, pointing towards Portland's question mark of a future. Can it really get much better than this?
5. Houston - ok go treadmill video
This 4/5 is gonna be a great series. Hopefully. Houston's in-season dominance of Portland is a bit troubling. But that's besides the video. Why is this going to be a great series? Because both teams are models of perfection. The Rockets, fueld by Daryl Morey's trail-blazing work (heh), fire on all cylinders, with all cogs clicking simultaneously and in unison. Hopefully OK Go's "Here It Goes Again" will be what will be on play-by-play lips in describing Yao's repeated dominance in the post. Hopefully it's not a description of another first round exit. Or, if you're a Blazers fan...well, you know how that goes.
Now, instead of trying to pick from any of those insanely entertaining videos (I did the next best thing...well, probably the fourth or fifth relevant best thing and hit you up with a mash-up of a handfull of these vids and others above), here is your just uploaded, crispy new video of the eve’s eve:
Now, obviously, that's not a brand new video. What I try to do with this "Two-fer" is give you videos recently uploaded to the internet. This video is striking for its tending towards the goofy, and for its gaffes in choosing which players to include. Listen for the odd voices and perspectives on the playoffs put forth by LBJ (okay), KG (uhh...), Shaq (nope), Bosh (nope), D-Wade's band-aid (removed by the comish), and D-Ho (okay). I especially got a kick out of Shaq's warbled line of the Star Spangled.
