While I have probably written about this once before, here I go again. What prompted my return to this subject? I suppose I have had to endure some remarks in the not too distant past and they kind of crawl up under my skin, so I have to rant.
I am a stay-at-home, and always have been. This, to me, is the traditional, normal way to live life—as I was raised like this—but not everyone feels the same. How do I know this? Just by the things people say to me.
I once was asked, “Do you work or do you stay at home?” Many times I have been asked, “Do you work?” I also have been asked, “What do you do?” (This last from people who KNOW I am a SAH, but don’t know the proper way to ask.)
So, what were my answers to the questions? The first one I COULDN’T answer—I just gave the person a withering look and walked away. The second one I used to answer, “Yes, at home.” Then I changed it to “Not outside the home.” These days, I usually just answer “I’m a stay at home.” when I’m asked the last question—because, as I said, the person asking already KNOWS the answer, s/he just doesn’t know how to ask about my ‘work’ status.
It has always amazed me at how other women treat me when they find out I’m a SAH. A good percentage of women treat me as if I have no mind whatsoever, just because I don’t ‘work.’ I have been ‘talked down to’(as if I was a child), I have had things ‘explained’ to me, and I have been totally ignored—as if I couldn’t POSSIBLY have any intelligent thing to say about the subject being discussed. I have had women make remarks about me having to ‘ask’ my husband for money and needing to be dependent on a man. There are many women who have NO idea what it is to SHARE in the resources of a marriage—they have ‘her’ money and they have ‘his’ money. I always thought marriage was supposed to be a partnership, but I guess it isn’t so to many.
My husband leaves the house to go to work and he gets a paycheck every two weeks. His worth is proven by that paycheck—or so many would believe. However, I am worth just as much as he is, even though I don’t get a paycheck. I have worked just as hard as he has all these years and I feel very deserving of taking my share of the money that comes into this household. So what, you may ask, have I done to earn my share? Here are a few things I did while the girls were at home:
--took care of ALL of the girls’ needs while K was at work (I told him, since the girls were half his, he could help take care of them when he wasn’t at work—at least HE didn’t have them at HIS job all day, like I did!)
--drove the girls where they needed to go; i.e., band practice, play dates, lessons of all kinds, medical appointments, etc.
--helped with homework—I was the only one who helped with math because I had four years of it in high school
--laundry—which included ironing when it was needed
--cleaned the house, DAILY, and did the major annual and semi-annual cleanings, also
--made meals—which included dinner EVERY NIGHT
--baked—including bread, as well as ‘good stuff’ (cookies, cakes, etc.)
--volunteered at the girls’ schools
--volunteered at our church
--shopped—grocery, clothes, school supplies, etc.
--various household maintenance projects—i.e., painting, carpet cleaning, minor household repairs, etc.
--took care of the pets—and, yes, I included the fish, as I had to take care of the aquarium
--got everything ready for out-of-town trips—and this included getting the girls ready, packing, loading the vehicle, readying the house, etc.
--prepared for any out-of-town guests that came over—whether or not they were spending the night or nights. Of course, this included: shopping, baking, preparing all of the food, cleaning, etc.
--sewed—which included making clothing as well as doing repairs
--did the majority of the Christmas gift buying/giving. I made a great many of the gifts we gave earlier in our marriage—all while raising our two girls. (I don’t make many gifts anymore—I’ve become smarter!)
--did all of the household office work—filing, phone calls, etc.
--did the majority of the disciplining of the girls
--did all I could to try and keep the household running well and keep everyone as happy as possible
Of course, that list isn’t ALL of what I did, it just is to give an idea of how hard I actually worked. Even though the work load has lessened with the girls gone, I STILL earn my keep these days. Some tasks are no longer being done, but others have taken their place.
My husband has been lucky to have a job which pays well enough for me TO stay at home. HOWEVER. With me not working, we have had to sacrifice things. We DO NOT live in a brand new home—we are in the same house we moved into 29 years ago. We have not been able to do major renovations to this place because of money being tight. We DO NOT have a second home. Not only do we know of many double income couples with homes that are priced in the $250,000+ range, they also have second homes. We could NEVER afford that. We DIDN’T take family vacations. Whenever we went away from home, it was always to visit with our families who still lived in our hometowns. I believe the girls could probably count on one hand how many times we stayed in a hotel while they were young. While we have everything we need and most of what we want (this includes a lot of the high tech stuff I always want), we DO NOT have the same toys as other people we know. We don’t have snowmobiles, boats, motorcycles, RVs, riding mowers, expensive machinery of all kinds, or other high-priced niceties. These are sacrifices we have had to make for me to stay at home—and we really haven’t missed out. With the girls gone, we have been able to move forward with our finances and, hopefully, will be able to do something about our housing situation soon. But rest assured, we WILL NOT be spending $250,000+ on a new home—that just isn’t who we are.
This post wasn’t written with the hope that I get comments commending me about my ‘sacrifices’ or the hard work I have done over the years. I don’t need anyone to give me an ‘attagirl’ or praise me for what I have done—this just has been my job. I just want to let any ‘working’ people out there know that those of us who stay at home and raise kids work, also. We just don’t appreciate being treated like we don’t matter. And please, if you have never stayed at home and lived the life of a ‘housewife,’ don’t patronize me by saying you KNOW it is ‘the hardest job a woman will ever do.’ You have no idea what you’re talking about.
