Saving The NHL

Yesterday I posted about how to ruin the NHL. Today I am posting a solution to the problems. (I wrote this with my tongue firmly in my cheek--although, if you read it carefully, you can certainly see that there is more than a smidgen of truth to it! :))

More and more you can read about how things have to change to save the NHL. There have been numerous rule changes to make it easier to score. The lock-out produced a salary-cap which was to help the teams in non-traditional hockey cities—and to help the profit margin of the owners. (Let’s not think for a minute that THAT wasn’t the number one reason for the salary-cap!) We are now in the time of the ‘new NHL’ and if the powers-that-be have their way, it seems as if there will be more changes coming. All designed to get more people to watch and embrace the game.

Of course, the problems the NHL are experiencing have NOTHING to do with their changing of a game that has been played professionally since before World War I—and changes not necessarily for the better. Also, the fact that there is no contract with ESPN to televise games—as was the case before—and the fact that Versus broadcasts games nationally, has absolutely nothing to do with people not embracing the game. (Versus is NOT a basic cable channel—it definitely is not seen by the vast majority of the people in the US. Good job trying to bring the game to the masses!) And the fact that places such as Phoenix, Tampa Bay, Nashville, Atlanta, etc.—places that have hardly ever seen ice in nature—have to try and sustain teams AND teach the locals what the game is all about, plays no part in the struggles the league is experiencing.

Anyway, the NHL is—supposedly—struggling. And I know how to fix it.

The first thing that has to be done is to get Oprah interested in the game. She can then declare to the world how wonderful hockey is. This will get every suburban soccer-mom on board and hockey will be the fastest growing sport in North America. Within two years, teams will be looking to build new arenas just so they can fit all of the new fans.

The year after the new arenas are built, Oprah—that champion of all downtrodden African-Americans—will have a change of heart. She will declare hockey to be a racist sport because of the relative lack of African-American players in the NHL. This will cause the suburban soccer-moms to rethink their love of the sport—after all, if Oprah thinks it’s bad, it must be—and abandon it. Their husbands and children will no longer be allowed to have anything to do with hockey—Oprah said it’s bad (remember how she affected the sales of beef!)—and the arenas will become empty. Teams will go bankrupt and shut their doors.

That is, all fans except for the TRUE hockey fanatics! The original six teams—Canadiens, Maple Leafs, Red Wings, Bruins, Rangers, and Black Hawks—will be stronger than ever and the cities that have the second six teams to come into the league (or their equivalents)—Flyers, Blues, (the now defunct) North Stars, (the now defunct) Seals, and Penguins—will re-embrace the game. The TRUE hockey fans will love their teams and players and the teams will love the fans right back. No one will have to explain the game anymore—watch NBC’s Game of the Week if you don’t know what I’m talking about—and no one will have to defend checking, hard hitting, or fighting anymore. All will be right with the world once again.

Posted in: hockey