Anyone can read a boxscore and anyone can live blog a game, but not everyone can combine the two (or weave one of the two, or neither) into something vaguely or falsely or, I don't know, prophetically resembling a narrative. The NBA season kicked off today, and OtB just looked at the top 50 NBA players in the NBA. Many of them populate the contenders and perennial playoff participants. This doesn't mean the NBA's basement doesn't contain personalities and perspectives worth covering. Far from it. Towards the point, OtB will be taking the opportunity this season to look at some of the sleepers in the league. We'll be looking at teams that look like they might be on the outside of the playoffs looking in. This will come in the form of the good and bad, the pros and cons, the Nocturnal Daydreams (as most NBA games are played at night) and the Nightmares. With that said, our first edition gives the sleep study to the LA Clippers' Baron Davis during the first game of the season. We pick up the frequency from Boom Dizzle as the third quarter gets under way...
Nocturnal Daydreams:
- The Beard is back! (It itches like hell.)
- I wonder if I can grow birds.
- Opening night! And we're on national TV!
- Chris Kaman is a beast! No, really. I saw him eat half a baby once at a Pizza Hut.
- I wonder why Sheamus was wrestling last night and tonight?
- Maybe they'll let me host Raw. Y'know, like Shaq.
- Unfortunately, you can see me tonight, which is like likening me to DeShawn Stevenson. Shudder.
- Eric Gordon looks great. But because of him, I have to guard Kobe. Y'know, cuz Gordy's the same height as me, and I'm "stocky."
Baron Von Davis, originally uploaded by casbah42.
- I have to guard Kobe?!?!?!
- Pau Gasol's out? I thought I wouldn't be the most grungy looking guy on the court tonight.
- My foot hurts...
- Is Craig Sager making fun of my bow tie?
- I can't believe I have to wait a whole month to see New Moon. OMG! I can't believe Bella and Edward aren't like bf/gf forevs!
- Marcus Camby LMFAO! Opportunist is not generally a good thing to be. I know you liked it when they called you that in New York, but that was 12 years ago!
- Oh no he didn't! Reggie called me Kimbo Slice!?! Actually, I"m okay with that...
- Hmm...am I more like my new, unfortunately sidelined because Stern made us play too many preseason games team mate Blake Griffin or beard buddy Pau Gasol? Maybe I should reconsider this beard thing.
- Oh noes! Bassy's making me look bad, and he's making Camby look good!
- I don't care if he can make those, Tsar, Marcus shouldn't be taking threes! He did it in Denver. Why do you think we got him so cheap? Fire Mike Dunleavy dot come, anyone?
- I gotta get tickets to see that Michael Jackson movie tomorrow. Maybe J-Alba will go with me. I could be a third wheel! I'll get a Snickers...
- Maybe I'll sit out the 4th. Yeah. Oooh, look at Shannon Brown go!
- I look better than Kobe. And I'm bigger on Youtube than him, amn't I?
- Eric Gordon kind of reminds me of Monta Ellis. Maybe it's time to force a trade. Maybe Stephen Jackson will switch with me.
- I missed another three! It's okay, though. I put money on us to lose. The whole season! Just kidding.
- Artest hasn't made a three tonight either. Well, he's missed more than me anyway.
- Oh look! Machine! I have more hits on Youtube than him too, right? Wanna play the staring...wait. He cut his hair! I thought this was going to be a shaggy year. Someone forget to send me the memo? Hey, Sasha! We can see your face and it needs an oil change!
- I can't believe I'm a Clipper. In another city, this roster could've stolen this game.
- Lamar Odom. He gets Khloe and he makes a three.
- I'm going to dream about Ron Artest's hair tonight. So sad when a basketball soldier is lost.
- Argh! The lead's back up to 15. This low calorie diet is really making me grumpy.
- Oh my goodness! Replay? We forfeit already. We forfeit!
- The Lakers are 20-1?!? On opening night!?! Oh, wait, that's just your daily Reggie Miller nonsense.
- Inside the NBA! It's about time!
- Look! It's me! Highlights of the game we just lost!
- Haha! Charles missed the reason for the Cavs stagnancy and I caught it! It's because they lost they're offensive genius from last season John Kuester. They haven't been terrible on offense for years. They had been 'til last year, and it looks like they're going to be again.
- Chuck wants the Cavs to run. He's brought up both bets from previous seasons, the one where he raced Dick Bevetta and the one where he had to kiss a donkey. Think he wants to race LeBron? Or how 'bout Shaq? Shaq vs. Charles. Yeah.
- Rockets-Blazers highlights! Portland gets revenge. You can bet this won't be a bad match-up for the Blazers this year like it was last year. Outlaw for 6th man of the year?
- Gil is back! If he looks that good, I must be looking real pretty.
- I should move to Portland. They're kinda like the Bay Area up there, hippies and all. Hey, Dunleavy, trade me for Andre Miller! Nah, not now, when he gets tired of not being needed up there.
- Charles says the Rockets will have the worst record in the West! Not us! Yay!
