OK, I admit defeat. Those of you who know me will know that it takes a lot for me to do that. It has crept up gradually but in the past 2 weeks I am ready to finally concede the end of something. The final devolution will come slowly too but just like the moment we were ready to accept the idea of 'peak oil', I think we have reached 'peak survival' or non-survival actually.The realisation came to me in a most mundane way. Yesterday I found a forgotten half-tin of baked beans in the back of the fridge with the expected amount of grey fuzz on top. I was in a dilemma. On the rare occasion this happens I usually, and faithfully, empty out the contents, wash the tin and place it in the recycling. But yesterday I looked at the tin, thought briefly about the effort it would take to deal with it appropriately.... and chucked it straight in the bin. I have given up the fight to save the planet.
This decision hasn't come lightly at all, I have steadfastly maintained that staying positive was always important. But I have come to accept that although a lot of people are taking this seriously, most of the human race is in denial - at least the rich nations anyway, and the poor ones are just too busy staying alive to ponder anything so philosophical and futuristic. While the individual has tried to make changes, the big companies and national governments have let us down.
I admit the failure of Kyoto has been pivotal but it is really just an accumulation of evidence that humans are not willing to give up anything, or very much at least, for the ultimate survival of the species. I don't even have children, so I am completely at a loss to understand the actions, or rather inactions, of those who do. The power-brokers of the world will never relenquish control until they are forced to. And I still predict that the biggest mother-archetype of them all, mother-earth, mother-nature, will do just that.
I am now willing, even relieved, to accept that it is just too late to turn things around. But I am not feeling hopeless - in fact I am actually feeling much lighter, as though I have given up the burden of this 'knowledge'. As I have mentioned in previous posts, death has always been a fascinating phenomenon to me. I have no special insights into it, no way of avoiding the fear and uncertainty that will inevitably go with it - but it sits just on my shoulder, I am aware of it every day - it is an old friend. And I think things are going to be OK.
Just recently a friend commented on my habit of making surfing a priority in my life. My retort: well, if the world ends tomorrow, what do you really want to be doing today? I know what I want. She admitted that she hadn't thought about it, but when she did, didn't know - which was probably worse. It's a cliche I know, but to really enjoy life, you have to live it this way - as though every second is the last. The futility of trying to finish a doctorate doesn't even come into it..... I love doing it, just like I love surfing. The planet doesn't need saving, we do, and if we don't care enough about that - then we don't deserve it.
image: my photo and one from the net digitally collaged
