I have never been very good at love. When I joined the Rajneesh movement all I heard about was love. It used to make me want to throw up.Thirty years later I still don’t really know what it is, I am now no wiser, well maybe a little. At least I think I know what it isn’t. No matter whether I have been ‘in love’ or not, I have always felt lonely - I am always alone.
After the last few posts in which I have referred to love I thought I would go and find out what Osho says about it. I was reluctant, because I still remember what a failure I was in regard to this when he was spruking about it all those years ago. While others were embracing and laughing and loving, I always felt detached. I still never feel lost in a crowd and have attributed that to an extremely singular ego. So I was quite relieved to discover that there is a love that fits me, that I am not a complete alien because I am not able to experience the whole love phenomena in the way others seem to. This is me, my type of love. This is what Osho says, it really describes me:
No matter what, you are alone…..all the fiction that there may be somebody….just made for you….who will fill this gap, this emptiness in you…. Nobody can do it; not because nobody wants to….it is just not possible….And it is good…..because if it was possible then there would be no need for religion….
Love and Meditation: These are the two paths. Love means working out your path through relationship. And meditation: working it out in your loneliness. Love and meditation — these are the two paths. Feel which will suit you. Then bring your total energies to it, and move on that path.
The desire to belong arises because you feel empty. Once you understand this, meditation becomes possible…..if you can allow emptiness to happen, love will flower in it. You have to learn meditation to enjoy your emptiness. And that is one of the greatest days in life - when a person starts enjoying emptiness, aloneness, nothingness. Love is a flower....when all the layers are discarded….you will find in your hands pure nothingness, emptiness, SHUNYATA. That is your essential core, the center of the cyclone.
There is no person like God. There is nobody, there is pure emptiness. And only pure emptiness or nothingness is what I have been calling enlightenment. In English there is no right word, so you have to understand that we are using ‘meditation’ for dhyana. Dhyana means a state of being where there is no thought, no object, no dream, no desire, nothing - just emptiness.
In that emptiness you come to know your self. You discover the truth. You discover your subjectivity. It is perfect silence.
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