Ridiculous, Bizarre Fear

I am a neurotic--I freely admit that.  I probably should be in therapy five days a week--I freely admit THAT.  However, for the most part, I don't think I'm much worse off than most people are--except, possibly, when it comes to my fears.  All I have to do is THINK about stinging insects--bees, yellow jackets, wasps, etc--or being in the middle of a lake/ocean and I can cause myself to have a full-blown panic attack--a panic attack that makes my heart race, my blood pressure go up, my breath to become rapid, my stomach to start churning.  JUST by thinking about my fears, I could make myself faint.  But still, I don't think I'm all that different than a lot of people--until I admit to one very ridiculous, bizarre fear.  For years, whenever I'm near my washing machine when it goes into the spin cycle, I worry that the agitator--or another piece of the machine--will break off, fly through the side of the machine, and cut me in half--killing me in the process, of course.  THAT is bizarre.  (This doesn't keep me from doing laundry, however--I just suck it up and stay away from the washer during the spin cycle.  :D)

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Six Degrees

There is the theory that every person can be linked to every other person in the world by only six steps.  While I don't know how true this is, I DO know that my mind can usually take me from one subject to another completely unrelated one in about six steps--and I do it ALL of the time.

The other night while in the shower, I found myself thinking about the blood orange I had eaten earlier.  And as is my regular way of doing things, my mind went wandering on its own for a few seconds and the next thing I realized was that I was thinking about my first love.  WTF?!?!?!?!  So I decided to figure out HOW I got from blood oranges to a guy I think about very, very rarely.  And this is what I came up with:

Blood oranges-------->Florida-------->The South-------->South Carolina-------->The Navy-------->Military/Air Force-------->First Love (who was in the Air Force when we got together)

I discussed this with The Oldest and she said she is exactly like this--and her husband can't comprehend how anyone's brain works like this.  He said she is like a computer with multiple processors that work at the same time.  I guess that is as good of an explanation as any.  I'm not sure if this is unique to only certain people or is this a 'woman thing?'  Does anyone have thoughts?

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Some More Updating

I am celebrating a one-year AND a two-year anniversary around this time.  So, I thought I would mark the anniversaries with updates.

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Almost two years ago, I had LASIK surgery to correct a VERY bad problem with near-sightedness.  And I'm still not unhappy that I did it.  Granted, there ARE things that I'm not happy about--mostly having almost NO ability to focus on things that are close.  (It makes doing a GREAT manicure next to impossible.)   There is a certain range that, even with reading glasses, I can't get in full focus.  But, I'm not too upset about it.  The freedom from regular glasses is WONDERFUL.  I almost have forgotten what it is like to have to wear glasses to see. 

I would do the surgery again in a heartbeat.  It is a wonderful thing.  However, I think I would be more inclined to have the surgery that corrects for BOTH near- AND far-sightedness.  I was too worried about having THE BEST distance vision, so I opted for the single correction.  Now, I wonder if I made the right decision.  I'm not sure how long--if EVER--it would have taken me to get used to having each eye being dominant for different usage.  I was very afraid that I would feel nauseous and not be able to get used to the correction.  (They showed me what it would be like--with special glasses--if they did the double correction.  I didn't like the feeling.)  

The most fun I'm having after the surgery is buying reading glasses and sunglasses.  After years and years of putting the same glasses on my face day after day, it is great to be able to wear new glasses whenever I want--and be able to afford them.  Glasses as a fashion accessory:  a very new concept for me.

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A little over a year ago I made the decision to go on Enbrel for my psoriasis.  This was a decision that I didn't make quickly--actually I had been thinking about it for years.  The side effects--mainly the fact that the immune system can be compromised--was the big reason why I didn't start on it sooner.  However, I was flaring very badly and decided I had just had enough, so I began Enbrel.  And so far, so good.  

I had moderate to severe psoriasis.  At least 5% of my body was covered--and it could have been 10% or more.  Of course, most of the psoriasis lesions couldn't be seen by most people.  My scalp was bad, as well as my fingernails.  I had lesions covering a good amount of my stomach, back, elbows, and areas of my legs.  After a year, I am almost in complete remission.  My scalp is completely clear, my stomach and back are clear, and my fingernails are beginning to heal.  I have a few small spots on my elbows and knees, but the combined areas of my skin that are compromised today makes up 1%* or less of my body.  I think I can say that Enbrel has been a resounding success for me.

As for side effects.  Well, there are a few.  I still have injection-site reactions.  Almost every time I give myself an injection, I get a red, warm area around where the needle went in.  For the most part, everything is back to normal within a day, so this isn't a problem for me. The only other 'side effect' is when I have to quit my injections when I get an infection--such as when I got the swine flu in November.  I didn't have a flare while I was off of the drug for the two weeks, but I don't like taking the chance.  But, I have been lucky and haven't had an increase in infections like some people have had.

I still don't know what will happen to me now that this health care bill is in place.  So far, we still have our same prescription insurance, but I haven't seen the new contract and don't know if there are changes coming up in the next year or so.  If I have to pay full-price for the Enbrel, I will have to go off of it--there just is no way we can afford $20,000  a year so that I can have clear skin.  But, I'm trying to not think about it--and just enjoy what I am experiencing right now.

*The palm of the hand equals 1% of the skin.

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You Smell WHAT?

I can honestly say I am pretty close--in human terms--to a bloodhound, when it comes to being able to smell things. Okay, a bit of and exaggeration, but I DO have a great sense of smell. Relatively speaking, of course. It is NEVER great to be able to smell well when there are people around who haven't bathed since Methuselah was a baby--and I seem to have those types around way too often.

One day, I smelled a gas leak. Not a good feeling to have when natural gas is your main source of energy. Of course, K was at work, so I had to take care of calling the gas company and having them send someone out to do a check for any leaks. The guy spent quite a bit of time in the basement, but found nothing wrong--which WAS a good thing, for sure. Still, after he left, I continued to smell 'gas.' Now I will digress a little bit. Our garbage is collected only once a week--but I put up a bag of garbage halfway through the week. This means we have to store the bag somewhere--and for us, this is in the basement. With the amount of critters that live in and around our yard, we can't put garbage outside, even in cans. Between the raccoons and bears--not to mention the roaming dogs--SOMETHING would get into the can if it was full. And I'm not about to begin cleaning up our yard every week. So anyway, the gas smell. After searching the basement, I finally realized just what it was that I was smelling: the turkey carcass that was in the garbage. Thank goodness we were never charged for the guy to come to the house, cause I NEVER would have lived that one down.

Many nights during the spring and fall--not so much during the winter--I will run around the house looking for what is burning, cause I smell fire. It is really beginning to annoy K, because all I'm smelling is a wood fire from one of our neighbor's. The smoke/smell travels down one of our chimneys or through the cracks and crevices that an old house such as ours has, but it makes me crazy every time I smell it. But I will continue looking for what is burning whenever I smell the smoke.

Of course, I'm always smelling different things in the house. There are times I am sure I smell urine--either animal or human--but can't find a source. Again, with a house as old as ours, I just MIGHT be smelling it. When the humidity level and temperatures soar, the smells just pour out of the wood--or so I think. K doesn't agree with me, as he never smells the things I do. It took him at least a full day before he smelled the dead mouse that we had trapped in the pantry--a time when I had to endure the odor all by myself. He also can't smell the garbage can when it gets ripe--that is until it is on the verge of sprouting maggots. Is it a man-thing or just him? I really do believe that men don't have the sense of smell that we women do.

The other night, my sense of smell, once again, was in overdrive. We were at the hockey game and the first thing that hit me was the smell of stale beer and cigarettes coming from the old man a couple of feet away. As if THAT wasn't enough, someone close was wearing a very sweet-smelling cologne. It was one of those gag-producing, sweet colognes--and thankfully I would just get a whiff now and again. Top all of that off with the smells of deep-fried foods from the concession stand and my olfactory nerves were jumping like crazy. My stomach and head were jumping, too--it was NOT a good combination for feeling very well. The only saving grace was that the old man never came back for the third period, so I didn't have him to smell anymore.

The smells around me were so gag-producing the other night, that I was hoping to be able to smell the players on the ice. Some people might think that all I'm smelling is the refrigerant used for making the ice, but I beg to differ. Sometime around the middle of the second period and on into the third, I DO smell the players. It isn't a sustained smell, just a small odor as they are skating by. And why shouldn't I be able to smell them? We are no more than maybe 75 feet from the ice, at any one time there are 15 young men skating back and forth, and they are sweating to the point where they can lose 10 pounds in a game. With the nose that I have, it isn't a wonder that I catch a whiff. And that is all the more reason I am happy that I never have been in a locker room--and probably never will be.

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New Award

My dear, sweet Meleah gave this award to me. I'm supposed to write 10 things I haven't written in this blog ever before. Wow. I tend to be quite open, but I will give this a whirl.

1. I love my daughters dearly and unconditionally. However. If I knew THEN what I know now, I'm not sure I would have ever had children. Because of problems we had with the girls, I no longer have a relationship with my family. K and I came very close to divorcing because of problems with the girls. I had severe bouts of depression because of the girls. You get my drift.

2. At different times in my life, I had a very colorful fantasy life. It was like 'fan fiction,' only it played in my head and not on paper.

3. I practice conversations in my head before I actually have them in real life. Unfortunately, real life NEVER plays out the way I think it will.

4. Anorexics see themselves as fat when they look in a mirror. I, on the other hand, don't necessarily see myself as heavy as I actually am. Now don't get me wrong, I KNOW I am way too fat, but I see myself as I was about 15 years ago and don't 'see' the weight I have gained since. Yes, I was overweight even then, but I just don't see the added baggage. I can actually be surprised when I truthfully look at myself and see what I REALLY look like.

5. I am just over 5 feet tall. I LOVE being short and wouldn't have been upset if I was an inch or more shorter. People seem to be very protective of short women, and I don't mind that one bit.

6. After K and I started dating, while he was out 'cruising' with the Navy, I went out one night with my ex. We talked, made out a little, and he even talked about getting married. Afterwards, I realized what a horrible mistake I had made. Then I was left with explaining all of this to K. The two of them had been closer than brothers way back in the day, and another person from K's hometown knew all about the 'encounter,' so I had to confess before he heard about it from someone else. That mistake almost cost me a wonderful man.

7. I always wished The Mother would have let me skip first grade like the teachers recommended. I often have wondered what my life would be like today.

8. I am quite terrified that I will look like The Mother as I get older. If my hair wasn't colored and it was short and permed, I'm sure I would look like she did at my age. And that scares me.

9. I have gone to the store, bought candy bars--or other junk-type foods--and eaten them in the car before getting home. I did this because I didn't want to share.

10. I've always wanted to sell some of the stuff I make. However, I hate doing the same thing over and over again. I also would never want someone to order something and give me a deadline to produce the product. I could never be an entrepreneur, because I have a very difficult time charging friends for stuff I make--it just doesn't seem right to me somehow.

And there is my list of ten. I'm supposed to tag 6 people to do this, but I will leave it up to each person reading this as to whether they want to or not. I certainly hope someone else does this--I always find other people's lists fascinating.

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Just One Of Those Quizzes

Went over to Hello Quizzie via Meleah's blog and found out I'm an Ingrid. A little frightening as to how accurate this description is.

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are an Ingrid!

You are an Ingrid -- "I am unique"

Ingrids have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

How to Get Along with Me

• * Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.


• * Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.


• * Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.


• * Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.


• * Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!

What I Like About Being an Ingrid

• * my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level


• * my ability to establish warm connections with people


• * admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life


• * my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor


• * being unique and being seen as unique by others


• * having aesthetic sensibilities


• * being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being an Ingrid

• * experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair


• * feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved


• * feeling guilty when I disappoint people


• * feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me


• * expecting too much from myself and life


• * fearing being abandoned


• * obsessing over resentments


• * longing for what I don't have

Ingrids as Children Often

• * have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original games


• * are very sensitive


• * feel that they don't fit in


• * believe they are missing something that other people have


• * attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.


• * become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood


• * feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)

Ingrids as Parents

• * help their children become who they really are


• * support their children's creativity and originality


• * are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings


• * are sometimes overly critical or overly protective


• * are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

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Decisions

As I have mentioned before, I have psoriasis. Psoriasis is a non-contagious, incurable, autoimmune disease that affects the skin. Simply put, a normal skin cell will mature and fall off of the body's surface every 28-30 days. With psoriasis, a skin cell will mature every 3-4 days and move to the skin surface. In the most common form of psoriasis--what I have--patches of skin, called lesions, become inflamed and are covered by silvery white scale. The scale is the dead skin and is what makes the flakes--the most recognizable symptom of psoriasis. Psoriasis can be mild to severe and can affect most every area of the body.

Some people have patches of psoriasis that will cover large areas of their body--such as the entire lower leg or back. There is always the possibility of cracking of the skin and infection setting in, but it isn't very common. In some cases, the lesions look like a very large area covered by a rash with dead, scaly skin covering it. Not a real pretty sight. While I have most areas of my body showing signs of psoriasis, mine isn't nearly as bad as it could be. My scalp, fingernails, stomach, knees, elbows, back, chest, and butt cheeks do--now or at one time--have psoriasis lesions. Even though I have quite a few compromised body areas, I am undergoing a bit of a remission at this time. Now, that DOESN'T mean I am uncovering parts of my body any time soon, it just means that things are going better than they have been for a while. A lot of my body lesions look like flat, white patches--and aren't very dry looking at all. The areas on my knee and elbows are dark pink to red and shiny, but, again, aren't scaly. As a matter of fact, it looks as if I have burns more than anything else--something on the order of what it looks like right after burning yourself on an iron--only larger.

A lot of people with psoriasis find it itchy--and some will scratch to the point of breaking the skin and causing bleeding. Thankfully, I don't have itching. My worst time with itching was the REST of my skin--and I pretty much eliminated that problem a few years ago when I quit using detergents, etc, with any fragrance. I either have a sensitivity or allergy to some fragrances--and I don't know how much, if anything, it has to do with my psoriasis.

Because of the scale, a lot of time people spend taking care of themselves has to do with removing it. Removal of the dry skin is important so that any topical medications can reach and be absorbed by the 'new' skin underneath. I am lucky in that I usually can remove any dry skin in the shower--I just have to stay under the water long enough. Once the dry skin softens, I can remove it with a loofah or other means of exfoliation. Because of my skin problems, I MUST shower every day--and because I shower every day, I am able to keep up with removing the dead skin. If, for whatever reason, I am not able to shower one day, it can take me up to two weeks to get my skin back to the way it was before the non-shower day. Psoriasis takes up a good part of my life.

At the very least, I must apply topical medications to every lesion on my body once a day. I try to get some of the areas--mainly my elbows--twice, at least. Some of my meds are creams and they go on quite easily. Other meds I have are ointments--NOT nearly as easy to apply. The ointments are the exact texture of Vaseline. Stop and think about it for a second: you have to apply--AND rub in until absorbed--Vaseline to LARGE areas of your body. (For me, this involves most of the stomach and the upper half of my back--as well as other areas.) The more you rub it in, the less mess you make on your sheets or clothing. BUT, the longer you rub it in, the more time you are spending NOT sleeping or doing something else you would rather be doing. I spend anywhere from 15 minutes to a half hour each time I apply my meds. This is on top of the 20-30 minutes I spend in the shower. Psoriasis robs you of a lot of your time.

I have, and use, A LOT of medications for my disease. Mostly, I use topical meds and most of them are extremely potent steroids. And the newest meds are very expensive. For example, one of my meds costs more than $200 for a 60gm tube--about the size of a medium tube of toothpaste--and this might last me for a month. (I have insurance--the ONLY reason I am able to use what I do.) Right now, I have 8 different meds for my body and scalp that I use on a rotating basis. Why rotating? Well, meds have a funny way of becoming ineffective over time with psoriasis, so I try not to use any one thing for too long of a time before changing to something else. Also, I find that I have to use different meds on different parts of my body--not everything works the same everywhere. I can't use most of my meds on my face or in the folds of my body--like under the boob or armpit--because they are too harsh and the side effects can be bad. Side effects of the steroids include thinning of the skin--which can cause the skin to split open--stretch marks, rash, inflammation of the skin, and discoloration. Of course, I do often wonder how the absorption of all those steroids are affecting me physically. Hmm, I could probably blame quite a few of my problems on that. Right now, other than prescription meds, the other thing I do to help my skin is I go to the tanning salon twice a week--with my dermatologist's reluctant approval. (Tanning DOES help me, but it, too, loses its effect over time.) I also get cortisone injections periodically. Unfortunately, my dermatologist won't do them as often as I would like because of side effects. Besides, they, too, have limited benefits--some areas will get better, some won't. That's way that goes.

Speaking of meds, I have used most everything out there. Over the years, I have used many prescription meds, most of the over-the-counter ones that are made, and a number of mail/internet order things--even some that can't legally be sold in the US. I have tried the 'diet'--or a reasonable facsimile--and various other things that 'have worked' for other patients. (I find out about 'remedies' online or at the National Psoriasis Foundation website.) Unusual things I have used: cider vinegar, Dead Sea water, coal tar in various forms, every skin moisturizer known to modern--and maybe even ancient--man, sulfur soap, goat's milk soap, oatmeal soap, and various soaking products, including Dead Sea bathsalts. I can't remember everything I have bought, but it is like someone suffering from cancer: if it can't hurt--and sometimes even if it CAN--you will try anything to cure what you have.

Even with all I go through with my psoriasis, I am one of the lucky ones. Very rarely will I have any amount of pain associated with any of my lesions and I don't have bleeding episodes often. (My cousin has psoriasis on the palms of her hands and they crack and bleed.) I don't have many itching episodes and I am pretty much able to keep the scaling to a minimum. Other than my thinking I am on the verge of developing psoriatic arthritis, my biggest problem with my disease is of an aesthetic nature: I don't want anyone else to see what my skin looks like. This has made me into more of a recluse than I want to be, as I can't go to places if I don't have the proper wardrobe. This also makes me hate the summer--it is hard to go out in 90 degree weather when you have to wear long pants and long sleeves. My wardrobe consists of 3/4 to long sleeved shirts and jeans--and not much else. It has been over a year since I actually wore a short-sleeved top outside of the house. The closest I will come is elbow-length and that is because most of my elbow will be covered. There are days when I just want to sit down and cry over my situation--it can be VERY depressing.

This brings me to the decision I have to make. There are some fairly new drugs that are being used for psoriasis and they are called biologics. Biologics work on T-cells and have a remarkable success rate. Now, they don't CURE psoriasis, but most patients have great success using them. One bad part of these drugs are the fact they work on the immune system. There are side effects and one of them is the possibility of infections or not being able to ward off infections easily. Another bad thing is that you have to use these long term--possibly forever--for the results to continue. These drugs have to be administerd by needle--either self-injection or by IV at an infusion center. And the biggest negative is the cost: $4000 for three months. (My insurance would probably pick up most of the cost.) I have to weigh whether or not the negatives are mild enough for me to do something for my self-esteem, or is it just not worth it? I have to talk to my primary care physician before taking this step, as he can help guide me--he would know if any of my other medical problems might be a reason for me not to use a biologic. I LOVE the thoughts of possibly being able to wear anything I want again, but then I have to ask myself, "At what cost?" A big decison that I will make before the end of the year. I only hope I make the right one.

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My First Job

When I was in high school, there really weren't a whole lot of jobs for teens. Those that got any job other than babysitting were lucky. To become a salad girl in a restaurant ten miles from our town was big time. The closest fast-food restaurant was 100 miles away and in a town of less than 1000 people, the jobs were few and far between. That is why my first job was something special--in so many ways.

The summer before I was a senior, I worked for our intermediate school district as a teacher's aid. The summer program was for mentally and emotionally handicapped people. More than a handful of the students were older than I was. I'm still amazed that as a 15-year-old I was able to talk my way into that job--I still don't know how I did it!

The summer program for these students lasted eight weeks. We were in the classroom for three weeks, then we were at Camp Wayoutinthewoods for one week--and repeated the same. This was the summer right after I had been to Camp for the first time. THAT part of the job sucked eggs big time. In a cabin full of mentally handicapped females, there were three aids, myself and two young college-age girls. And a lot of the students could barely do more than dress themselves without help. One girl got her period during the week--and couldn't take care of herself. Fun. Showering wasn't any better.

While I don't know how the classifications are today, the students I worked with that summer were considered 'educables' and trainables.' The 'educables' were a rung up the ladder in terms of what they could/would be able to do. They actually could be taught simple things up through the later elementary school level. The 'trainables' could be 'trained' to do things in a way that there would be no thinking involved--personal hygiene and living skills, basically. Most of the students I worked with could never be expected to live on their own--at best, they would be able to live in group homes and some wouldn't even be able to do that. Even after all these years, I still remember some of the students vividly.

Autism wasn't a term that most people had ever heard of during the time I worked with the mentally disabled--but I know now that at least two of the students were autistic. The girl who started her period while we were at camp probably was autistic. I remember her 'flapping' her arms like wings whenever she ran--one characteristic of autism. She also had no/very little vocal skills. I don't know if I ever heard her speak. There really was little or no social interaction with her. Thankfully, she never had any tantrums, that I remember. One boy, on the other hand, probably was a high-functioning autistic. He talked, but only about the things he was obsessed with: sewers/pipes/drainage ditches and alarm clocks. One day I had to follow him as he tried to find the end of the roadside-drainage ditch. I finally had to stop him--I didn't want to continue for 50 miles, something that HE would have done. While there wasn't much of a personal interaction with him, he at least talked and was very interesting. He, on the other hand, had meltdowns.

Quite a few of the students had Down's syndrome. I'm sure it is a cliche, but I found most Down's students very easy going and sweet--for the most part. One of the girls/women--she was MANY years older than me--was the sweetest person you could ever meet. She always had a smile and hug for you. And she would do anything she was asked--and do it very well. Her mother spent a lot of time making sure she was as self-sufficient as possible. I would have taken her home with me in an instant.

The student that I disliked the most that summer, had Down's. She was in her early twenties, was very large--approaching 200 pounds--and had parents that indulged her at every turn. She DEFINITELY didn't fit the cliche. Her personality was not sweet and she was very difficult to handle. And here is the story about her. In the classroom, there was a teacher and four aids--myself, two other girls and one guy. Part of the guy's job was to transport one or more students to school every day--and the one he had to transport always was this girl. One day he was driving--with her in the backseat--and she told him she didn't want to go to school. They were more than halfway to the school and he told her his turning around just wasn't going to happen. She insisted that she didn't want to go to school and he insisted she WAS going. After a couple of minutes of this, she leaned over the back of the seat--with her metal lunchbox raised--and screamed, "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL TODAY!!!!" Thankfully, they were at the school by this time and the teacher was able to take over and calm her down. Frightening.

Those eight weeks, way back then, taught me many things. I learned I COULD be around mentally handicapped people--and that I didn't want to be. In that I mean, I never wanted to be a special education teacher. While I don't have a prejudice against the mentally disabled, I also don't have the disposition to be around them all of the time. I found the whole thing to be too nerve-racking for me--that summer is when I began smoking full-time. I learned tolerance and compassion--which is a very good lesson at such a young age. And I learned that I could do much more than I thought. While those eight weeks weren't the most fun I ever had, they were very interesting and educational. I admire anyone who has the passion to work with the disabled--and am grateful that there are people who have the passion. It is something I could never do.

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6 Things I'm Proud Of Meme

Janet tagged me for this one. I won't tag anyone specifically, but it would be interesting to read what ALL of my readers have to say--go for it!

Here are my six--in no particular order.

1. I am extremely proud of my Finnish heritage. The Finnish people are amazing and I am glad to be one of them. The amount of 'sisu' they have has been passed to me--I DO hang in there for the long haul! It takes a special kind of person to live in the harsh climates of Finland AND they DID beat the Russians during the Winter War. For whatever reason, the Finns were looked at as 'lacking' and 'dumb' by the Southern European peoples that also lived where I grew up. Don't know why, but that was the way it was. Many people that I grew up with turned their backs on their Finnish heritage and only 'remembered' another branch of their family, but I never did. And, considering I am 100% Finn, I guess I couldn't turn my back on my 'Finn-ness.' :) (And this in no way makes me any less proud to be an American. THAT is something so very different in my mind.)

2. I am proud to say that I have been married only once and that we have been married for 35 years this October. (Please, I am NOT dissing anyone who has been divorced.) I guess my 'sisu' is at work on this accomplishment. :) There have been several times when I thought we wouldn't make it, but we have. We love each other just as much--probably more--as when we got married, but it is a different kind of love. We now are comfortable with each other--and that isn't bad. We like to spend time together, but we also can spend time apart--there isn't that 'neediness' associated with our early years. That being said, I can't imagine life without K--and I hope I never have to know what it would be like.

3. I am proud of my daughters. While there were some VERY rough times with each one--times where there was NO communication at all--we did come through it stronger and closer. Both of my girls have amazing musical abilities that I envy beyond words and they each have personalities that I would die for. Whenever I see them in social situations, I take notes--they are who I want to be! I am proud to see a little of myself in each one--it shows that I DID teach them some things. I am constantly amazed whenever I see them doing something I used to do, something I was SURE they never GOT--I didn't do too badly as a mother, after all.

4. I am proud of the things I can do--and the fact that so many of them I taught myself. I am a very good seamstress--and I taught myself to sew. On an old treadle sewing machine! I am very good at crocheting--something my oldest friend and I taught ourselves to do out of boredom. I embroider, make jewelry, bake, cook, scrapbook, etc--all things I taught myself. Most of what I know about computers I taught myself. The gardens I have planted have been a learning experience--and I taught myself. (I must admit I had one GORGEOUS mum garden before I killed it. Oops--nothing to be proud of, I guess.) I also do floral arranging, but I have taken classes for that. :)

5. I am proud that I have broken free of my family. Now, many will find that statement awful, but read on. All my life had been about family and being together. But, it was IMMEDIATE family only--The Parents, The Brother and his family, and my family. That is all--NO extended family whatsoever--unless it was someone from The Mother's family that she thought was worthy. And the 'wanting to be together' was out of guilt, not out of any desire to be there. The Mother is a pro when it comes to making people feel guilty. I broke away and am much happier today. Which leads me to the last point...

6. I am proud that I am no longer under The Mother's power. The world sees her as a wonderful, loving, caring, giving woman who would do anything for you that she could. And, yes, that describes her to a 'T'--except to those who see her 'behind the scenes.' She will give of herself, do volunteer work, have people over, but she bitches, pisses, and moans the entire time to those she is closest to. She is also the most manipulative person I have ever known. The 'dirty work' I have done for her because of her manipulation is amazing. I have made enemies because of her. I have made phone calls and told people to leave her alone because 'her nerves can't take it' and I have come off as the bitch of the world--the whole while she sits and has EVERYONE--including the person I bitched out--feel sorry for her. She is so good at manipulation, that most people don't even realize it is happening. I have seen her 'interrogate' people and they tell her things--GLADLY--that they possibly wouldn't even tell a therapist--and she gets away with it ALL OF THE TIME! BUT, I found the strength to break free of her--and am living a much healthier, happier life.

I know I could have written about any of the volunteer jobs I have had or any number of selfless things I have done--there HAVE been a couple :)--but I thought these would make a much more interesting read. AND it gave a bit more insight into me.

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Getting To Know Me--A Meme

Meleah tagged me for this--here goes.

1. What is your occupation?
Homemaker--and before that, homemaker and mommy. I have always been a stay-at-home.

2. What color are your socks right now?
I am not wearing socks--I rarely wear socks in the house. However, I don't walk through the house barefooted--I am terrified of stepping into a hacked-up hairball! I usually have a pair of Birkenstocks on my feet--I don't wear shoes in the house.

3. What are you listening to right now?
I have 'Law & Order' on the television.

4. What was the last thing that you ate?
A banana--I haven't figured out what I want for dinner yet.

5. Can you drive a stick shift?
I think my husband would say I'm lucky I actually can drive an automatic, so NO! I wish I could--then I would be able to FINALLY try and drive a real sportscar.

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
I suppose my favorite color, blue.

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
My oldest--and this time SHE called me! :)

8. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Of course, she's a sweetie!

9. Favorite drink?
Probably Coke.

10. What is your favorite sport to watch?
I am NOT going to say it! (I promised Mel I wasn't going to use the 'h' word. :)) My second favorite sport to watch used to be boxing. I haven't followed it for some time as there aren't any fighters that excite me right now.

11. Have you ever dyed your hair?
I never dyed my hair till I was well in my 20s--and then it was only highlights. Once I started dying it regularly, I usually go and have it done every four weeks. (Right now I'm blond--just the way I was born.)

12. Pets?
We are owned by a 15 lb, domestic long-haired, tuxedo kitteh. She is going to be 15 years old in April.

13. Favorite food?
WAY too many to mention--I am a food addict/compulsive overeater. I also am a 'meat and potatoes' kind of gal, so I don't eat too many exciting foods.

14. Last movie you watched?
It's been too long, I can't remember. However, it must have been something on TV.

15. Favorite Day of the year?
I don't really have any favorite day.

16. What do you do to vent anger?
I yell and call the person I'm mad at names--this usually involves people who should never have been given driver's licenses.

17. What was your favorite toy as a child?
The toy that I remember best was my Baby Thumbelina doll. She was lost when we moved from one town to the house The Parents live in still. It really broke my heart to lose her.

18. What is your favorite, fall or spring?
I love fall--especially after the first frost. NO BUGS!!

19. Hugs or kisses?
Hugs are better than kisses.

20. What kind of pie?
I love cherry pie--but it doesn't always agree with me. Maybe I inherited a sensitivity to cherries from The Mother--she is highly allergic to them.

21. Do you want your friends to email you back?
I think what I would like even more is to know my friends have received the emails I send. I do love hearing from my friends, of course.

22. Who is most likely to respond?
If this is in reference to this meme, I don't know as I am not tagging anyone.

23. Who is least likely to respond?
Same answer as the last one.

24. Living arrangements?
Hubby, me, and the kitteh.

25. When was the last time you cried?
I really don’t remember.

26. What is on the floor of your closet?
Dust, cat fur, and shoes. (I really need to clean my closet.)

27. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are tagging?
Not tagging anyone.

28. The friend you have known the shortest amount of time that you are tagging?
Same answer as last one.

29. Favorite smell?
Hmmm. It’s hard to say. I will say that my favorite perfume at this time is Donna Karan’s Cashmere Mist. Nummy.

30. What inspires you?
Now THAT’S a hard question—I would have to think long and hard about it.

31. What are you afraid of?
Off the top of my head: water, spiders, stinging insects, needles, dentists, heights, closed spaces, snakes…you get the idea.

32. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers?
I think I like plain hamburgers best.

33. Favorite car?
Right now it would have to be my Jimmy. They no longer make them, so I will have to find another SUV to have as a favorite when we replace my baby.

34. Favorite cat breed?
I don’t think I have a favorite. I am NOT fond of Siamese cats and I am actually kind of frightened by those hairless cats! They are creepy.

35. Number of keys on your key ring?
3—plus TWO Red Wings key rings, the remote for the Jimmy locks, etc, and the remote starter for the Jimmy.

36. How many years at your current job?
Going on 35.

37. Favorite day of the week?
Considering I rarely even KNOW what day it is, I guess none are my favorite. With K working shifts like he does, it is very hard to remember what day of the week it is.

38. How many provinces have you lived in?
PROVINCES? I would guess this meme was written by someone in Canada. Now, as for how many STATES: I’ve lived in two, Michigan and South Carolina.

39. How many countries have you been to?
I have been to Canada a couple of times, so the answer is 2.

I am not tagging anyone for this, but I hope many of my readers decide to do it. I always enjoy reading everyone’s answers.

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12 Month Meme

A bit ago, Meleah did this meme and I had plans to do it, too. I forgot until I saw it on Annie's blog, so I FINALLY got around to it.

Here are the rules: Go to Climate of Our Change which is where you’ll find the traits for all 12 months. Find the month you were born and copy the traits. Put them into a post and either agree or disagree with each trait.

NOVEMBER:

Has a lot of ideas.

I used to have more when I was younger, but this does describe me.

Difficult to fathom.

Don’t think K has EVER really understood me. Maybe no one ever has. :)

Thinks forward.

????

Unique and brilliant.

Of course I am! No doubt. :)

Extraordinary ideas.

Not sure my ideas are extraordinary, but…

Sharp thinking.

Again, when I was younger my thinking was sharper, but age is setting in.

Fine and strong clairvoyance.

Quite. I always know when I meet someone for the first time whether I will like them or not—and I am NEVER wrong when I take an instant dislike to someone.

Can become good doctors.

I had hoped to become a doctor when I was younger—I just wasn’t ready to put in the work.

Dynamic in personality.

Not so much a description of me.

Secretive.

Probably not. I tend to tell too many things about myself—just can’t keep my mouth shut.

Inquisitive.

If this means ‘nosey,’ then YES!!!

Knows how to dig secrets.

I have never been comfortable with trying to get someone to talk about ANYTHING—secrets or otherwise. Now, The Mother is the champ when it comes to getting people to spill secrets!

Always thinking.

I guess.

Less talkative but amiable.

If I know someone, I talk too much. I try to be amiable—not sure if I succeed.

Brave and generous.

Brave? HAH!!! I am SUCH a wuss. Generous? I try.

Patient.

This is the most laughable of all. I am the most impatient person on the face of the Earth!

Stubborn and hard-hearted.

I’m a Finn, so stubbornness is a given. For quite a while I have considered myself a cold-hearted bitch, so…

If there is a will, there is a way.

Sure.

Determined.

Again with the stubbornness.

Never give up.

And again.

Hardly becomes angry unless provoked.

Maybe. The trouble is, too many things can provoke me. :)

Loves to be alone.

SOOOOO me! Being alone is great—just so long as it isn’t for great lengths of time.

Thinks differently from others.

In many ways.

Sharp-minded.

Again with the thinking.

Motivates oneself.

Yup. Who better to motivate me than me?

Does not appreciate praises.

I like compliments, but have never known how to accept them graciously, so I guess I don’t really appreciate praise.

High-spirited.

Probably not.

Well-built and tough.

I get tougher as the years go on.

Deep love and emotions.

Not nearly as emotional as I used to be—hence the designation of ‘cold-hearted bitch.’

Romantic.

To a certain extent—just not as easy after so many years of marriage.

Uncertain in relationships.

Hmmmmm.

Homely.

Okay, if this is a dig at my looks, then I am insulted! If it means ‘characteristic of the home or home life,’ then it’s fine. I definitely am a ‘homebody’ and enjoy being at home.

Hardworking.

I sure try.

High abilities.

For certain things.

Trustworthy.

Again, I try.

Honest and keeps secrets.

For the most part—at least I TRY to keep secrets.

Not able to control emotions.

Being able to control my emotions has become easier with age. Sometimes I control them TOO much.

Unpredictable.

I certainly hope so—keep ‘em guessing!

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Thirteen Things ( Plus One)

Last week, burg did a Thursday Thirteen post about '13 products I love or make my life easier.' Well, I thought I would put my own spin on the Thursday 13 and came up with this:

13 Things I Can't Live Without! (and yes, I realize it isn't Thursday--deal with it!)

1. computer--I try to imagine my life without the computer--or even what my life was like before getting a computer--and I can't. My computer--and the internet--have become such a big part of my life every day that I don't know what I would do without it. Both of my girls agree that life would be quite difficult without computers. Granted, computers can be great sources of frustration, but without them, how would we ever be able to find out about slugs, snot, and Anna Nicole Smith's last moments of life?

2. phone--Without my phone, I would never have contact with my girls--or the one person in my family who still talks to me. The girls and I have marathon talk-fests and it's almost like they were actually here. Sometimes it is hard to be so far away from them. Other times...:) The Mother's cousin is the only person from either side of my family who talks to me--and she lives in Arizona. So, without the phone, I wouldn't have any contact with my family.

3. VCR--I would love to add DVR to this, but we don't have one. (Frankly, I won't get a DVR until the size of the box is smaller--it would take up too much of my counter space in the kitchen.) I guess we could get TiVo, or somesuch, but why bother. Right now, the VCRs work just as well for me. I don't watch TV in real time, so the VCRs are a necessity for me. And it is inevitable, whenever K is awake and I'm watching something on TV, he will always come into the kitchen at the most critical time during a show and begin talking to me. If it wasn't for tapes and DVDs, I would never know what was going on in most of the programs I watch.

4. music--Music has always played such a big part of my life. While I might not have the WIDEST range in musical tastes, I do have a variety of interests. I own CDs from Brian Adams to Meatloaf. I own Mozart to Led Zepplin. Barry Manilow and BB King both are part of my collection. Whatever mood I am in, I can find music to compliment, sooth, or enhance my feelings.

5. books--Just the thought of giving up ANY of my books can cause a panic attack. I own way too many books--a lot of which I probably will never look at again--but I love the feeling of owning books. The first time I owned a hardcover book was in high school--I thought I was the richest person on earth to own such a treasure. And I still feel that way today. I love to read and I love owning books. It is my life-long dream to have a house big enough to designate one room as 'the library.' I don't think it will ever happen, however. :(

6. coffee--Several years ago, when I was asked how many cups of coffee I drink per day, I would laugh. I never drank CUPS of coffee, I drank POTS! Three pots a day was not unusual for me. In the last couple of years, however, I have cut my consumption down to one pot or less a day. But, I will never give up my coffee completely. I couldn't call myself a good Finn if I did!

7. coke--That is 'coke' as in Coca-Cola, not as in 'cocaine.' :) One of the reasons I don't drink as much coffee these days is because I have increased my consumption of Coke. I guess I have to get my caffeine fix some way.

8. Birkenstocks--I don't think I actually COULD give up 'ikey-dikey Birkies'* even if I wanted to. I have worn them for so many years that my feet just don't find 'regular' shoes comfortable anymore. And besides, they are so comfortable, I wouldn't WANT to stop wearing them.

9. sewing machine--While I don't sew as much as I used to, I would be lost without my sewing machine--if for no other reason than for repairing clothing. K brings his work clothes home for me to repair a few times a year and it definitely helps cut down on the cost of buying. Also, it is nice to be able to fix small problems--without a machine, most of the clothing would have to be thrown away. However, I wasn't real thrilled with the last batch of repairs I had to do: K brought home his works socks and had me fix them. I thought THAT was going overboard a little.

10. indoor plumbing--Now, don't laugh, but there still are places here in the UP that don't have indoor plumbing--something I just can't imagine. As a matter of fact, the roadside rest areas here in the UP are ALL outdoor/non-flush toilets! You don't find ME using them unless it is an absolute EMERGENCY!!!!! I always have said that it would have been amazing to have been at Woodstock, but I could NEVER have made it that many days without a shower or real toilet!

11. post-it notes--I would be absolutely lost without post-its. Especially at my computer desk, I have little pieces of paper stuck all over the place--just little reminders of things I have to do. Considering I suffer 'half-heimers,' it is surprising I don't have MORE post-its hanging around.

12. sticky lint rollers--Having a long-haired cat, lint rollers are essential to my life. I use these things so much that I buy them by the 8-pack at Sam's Club. Sadly, the last few times we were shopping at Sam's, there were no lint rollers to be found. I guess I will have to buy them one at a time till they make a return appearance at the Club.

13. a vehicle--While we DO have taxis and a bus service here in town, they are no where near as convenient as having my own vehicle. I don't often go out during the day, but it is nice to know that I can if I want/need to. I just couldn't imagine life without a vehicle of my own.

Bonus: hockey--You just KNEW I had to mention it, didn't you? :) Actually, hockey is such a nice pasttime here in the land of ice and snow, that I'm glad I found my love of it again. Through the dark days and even darker nights of winter, having a passion and something to look forward to is a real asset. Too many people here suffer from SAD (seasonal affective disorder)--I am one with the tendencies--so it is great to have something fun to do. Besides, I don't participate in all of the outdoor winter activities, so I must have SOMETHING to do during our long winter season.

*I don't mean to offend--this is just the way we have always referred to them.

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Rapunzel, Rapunzel

The other day Burg blogged about her 'hair through the ages'--this after she got a cute, new, sassy haircut. Never letting an opportunity go by to steal an idea from someone else, I decided to do a post about my own hair. And I guess it didn't hurt that I had my monthly cut/color done today to motivate me, also.

When I was a child, my hair was so white that it was almost translucent. And it was fine and wispy: fine, Finnish, fairy fur. Most of the kids with Finnish ancestors that I know have the same kind of hair--it is as we get older that things can change.

In high school, my hair was a pretty color blond--not too light and not too dark. It almost was an ash blond, I guess. I wore my hair very long and straight--as so many high school girls do/did. I wasn't able to do much more than that with the hair because it was so thick--enough for two people, actually. When I put my hair in a 'pony tail,' the description was VERY fitting! This was when I really got used to taking a bath/shower at night, because it took all night for my hair to dry. I REALLY didn't want to go to school in below zero weather with a wet head--NOT a fun activity.

I began wearing my hair shorter when I was pregnant with my first. My hair was about waist-length and I got it all cut off to chin-length--I figured, rightly so, that it would be much easier to take care of with a newborn around. Not only did my hair continue to get shorter as time wore on, it also began to get darker. Don't know why--but The Mother had the same thing happen to her, too.

For the last several years I wore my hair in a short bob--just about earlobe-length. It was a flattering cut for me and easy to take care of--my hair just naturally bends under, so I only have to blow dry it and it falls into place. (Of course, if my stylist wasn't as talented as she is, NOTHING would work--thanks, Barb!) Then one day I took a good look at myself and realized the short hair really wasn't the best fit for me. Over the years, I have added a little too much weight to this short, stubby body of mine and having too short hair just isn't right. I realized that having too short hair would cause me to look just like a beach ball with a ping-pong ball balancing on top--NOT a good look! So, the decision was made to let it grow out. I now wear it longer--several inches below the top of my shoulders. Definitely a better choice--now the top and bottom balance out a little better. :)

Unfortunately, my hair has not retained its thickness--and I'm not too sure why. I suppose some of it has to do with age, but having thyroid problems and psoriasis has taken it's toll, also. I probably could get used to having less hair, it's the thinner texture that I can't handle--I ALWAYS had such thick, heavy hair that it is hard to accept the thinner, finer hair I have today. I keep telling the oldest--who has even MORE hair than I did--that her day will come, too. The mother's curse--it will work once again. :)

I have always wanted to have short, spiky hair. I figure that would be about the easiest to take care of--but, alas, that can't happen before I drop about 3000 pounds! The friend I go to see when we do road trips has the short, spiky hair and it looks so good on her. Of course, she weighs about 65 pounds--AND she is about 5 inches taller than me--so she HAS to have short hair so that she won't look like she's about to fall over! (This is the same friend that 'bloated up' to about 75 pounds when she was pregnant--for her twins! I think I hate her!) It looks as if I will be sticking to the longer hair for a while.

As I said, my hair has gotten darker over the years. Now, this WASN'T the reason I started to color it--the reason was the grey. Before I go any further, I MUST say my grey hair isn't ONLY because of age: one of the favorite activities a group of us used to participate in during boring lectures in school, was to see how many grey hairs could be pulled out of my head. Yep, I started getting grey in high school. And, actually, it is VERY slow moving--I don't believe I am any more than about 15% grey under the dye. And if there is more than 15% going on, I don't really want to know about it. I wouldn't mind going natural if my hair would be a pretty color, but it won't. The Mother has unattractive grey hair and I know mine would be just as sad--salt and pepper, but NOT in a good way.

Right now my hair is a very pretty blond--my stylist outdoes herself every time I go in. However, I LOVE to go VERY funky with color whenever I can. These days we have to stick with the blond because I am frequenting the tanning booth--for my SKIN, not for the color--and any color other than blond wouldn't last more than a week before fading. My preferred color is red and I can't wait to get back to it--but I will live with the blond just as long as I have to be under the 'hot lights.' I would have very crazy things done to the color, but my stylist is MUCH more conservative than I am. My motto when it comes to color: I don't want anyone to think this color is real! We have managed some funky things and it always is so much fun.

My whole attitude toward hair is this: it should be a fun accessory. Do whatever you want to my hair--if I don't like it, change it. If the color is wrong, we'll change it back. If the cut is wrong, the hair will grow. It's not worth getting upset about if it isn't right--time will fix anything.

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A Little Updating

Last night I finally did a bit of updating to this blog. I started by putting links to all of the 'Things To Do When You're Bored' posts in the sidebar. This way, if you ever need to find something to do, it will be easy!

I added a blog to the list of ones I read daily: Down Yonder Green Valley. Jan writes this blog from Wales and I find it fascinating. The words she uses, the way she phrases things are so different from what I experience in my daily life--I am just so very interested. She has a menagerie of pets and also feeds numerous wild creatures--including hedgehogs! I love looking at the pictures she posts--a most beautiful part of the world. Do go and look at her blog, if for nothing more than the pictures.

In the links section of the sidebar, I added a couple that I have been meaning to. Stuff on My Mutt is the companion site to Stuff on My Cat. If you want cute pictures of dogs or cats, these two sites are for you. I find myself, more often than not, laughing out loud when I am looking at the pics.

For those of you who never got around to seeing Cows With Guns, I now have linked to it. It still is one of my all time favorite things to laugh at. Every few months or so I have to watch it again--and I ALWAYS chuckle. Check it out--especially if you never have seen it before.

Although it has been a link for a long time on the sidebar, I want to point out Demonic Squirrel Riding Story. Before reading it, make sure you go to the bathroom and DON'T drink a thing during the read--it IS funny enough to make you pee yourself or snort liquid through your nose.

And finally, I added a link to my post 'You Might Be A Yooper.' If you ever want to understand those of us in the UP of Michigan, this would be a good place to start. While it is a humorous look at us, it definitely is more real than any of us might want to admit!

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A BUNCH OF FIVES

Burg tagged me with this meme, so here goes.

A BUNCH OF FIVES

Instructions: Remove the blog from the top, move all blogs up one, add yourself to the bottom.

Special K Family
Blogging Obsession
Jersey Mum
Deeper Shades of Red
Out of My Mind

Five people to tag:
Cindi
Kristi
Virginia Belle
Ann
and anyone else who wants to!

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Ten years ago my first granddaughter was about to turn one, my oldest was about to celebrate her first wedding anniversary with her first husband, my youngest was in middle school, I was superintendent of our church Sunday school, and I was actually talking to The Family. What a difference ten years makes!

What were you doing 1 year ago?
Feeling very disappointed that the Red Wings didn't win the Stanley Cup. No different than today. :)

Five Snacks You Enjoy:
1) Potato chips and vanilla ice cream—at the same time
2) Popcorn
3) Hershey bars
4) Cookies—various kinds
5) Cake

Five Songs That You Know All The Lyrics To:
1) Happy Birthday To You
2) Itsy Bitsy Spider
3) Amazing Grace (first verse, anyway)
4) Your Cheatin’ Heart by Hank Williams (see, I know SOME country songs!)
5) Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton (as well as numerous others by EC—at least well enough to sing along to)

Five Things You Would Do If You Were a Millionaire:
1) Give some money to a charity.
2) Make sure my daughters and their families were provided for.
3) Buy a Hummer and several other vehicles.
4) Buy the most expensive, state-of-the-art computers I could find—and continue upgrading at will.
5) Build my dream home.

Five bad habits:
1) Overeating.
2) Not listening enough when others talk.
3) Not sleeping during ‘normal’ hours.
4) Procrastinating.
5) Bitching and whining.

Five Things You Like To Do:
1) Overeat.
2) Talk.
3) Be on the computer.
4) Read.
5) Bitch and whine.

Five Things You Would Never Wear Again:
1) 4” high heels.
2) A two piece swimsuit.
3) A sleeveless top.
4) Skin-tight jeans.
5) A bra without an underwire.

Five Favorite Toys
1) My computers.
2) Palm PDA.
3) Zen Micro.
4) Nintendos.
5) Cell phone.

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What Did I Do?

My daughters have a complete and total lack of respect for me and I don't know what it is I did to deserve this. Here is the story.

The other night, I needed to stop at Shopko to pick up a few things. Not much, but enough to be a little unwieldy just to carry. As I passed the Coke coolers, I decided to pick up a couple of bottles to go along with dinner. I couldn't carry any more stuff, so I went to get myself a shopping cart. I guess I must have been struggling with the cart I was trying to extract from the rest, because a young girl--late high school, early college age--came rushing over to help me get the cart. 'Here, let me help you,' she said. Her tone of voice and the look on her face I knew very well--I have used both many times in my life. She looked at me and thought (I'm sure), 'I MUST help you. You remind me so much of my frail, very old, grandmother.' At that moment, I knew I had joined the ranks of 'little old ladies.' ACK!!!!!!!!! Of course, the first thing I did when I left the store was call my girls and tell them what had happened.

The oldest answered the phone and I told her, 'I am officially a little old lady now.' C answered, 'NOW what embarrassing thing did you do!' (See, total lack of respect!) After I told her the story--which she laughed at--she said, 'Well, at least you didn't pee yourself!' (Total lack of respect.) And then she said, 'Why are you surprised at this? You aren't exactly young anymore.' (This last thing was said with a grin in her voice. But still, total lack of respect.)

I called the youngest next. I said, 'I am officially a little old lady now.' A answered, 'NOW what did you steal!' (No respect.) She wasn't QUITE as bad as her sister, but she did tell me I'm not quite as young as I used to be and I should expect these things to happen more and more often. Nice kids. As for the 'NOW what did you steal.' remark, here is the story.

Last year, just before Christmas, a friend and I took advantage of the annual 'shop downtown' event we have here in the city. As in so many other places, our downtown area is a bit overlooked by shoppers who find it so much easier to go to the malls and strip malls that we have sprinkled around. So, the downtown merchants have these events to try and get more traffic and, hopefully, get more people to shop their stores. We went from store to store, filling out raffle forms and stuffing our faces with cookies and candies. At one point, we found ourselves in our local Christian bookstore. And here is where it gets interesting.

B was looking to add some figures to her Nativity set, so she was asking the owner if they still make the size she needed. A discussion about Nativity sets, and other things, began. As we were standing by the cash register/counter, I began looking at all of the 'impulse buying' stuff that most stores have at the check-out. The display of the Bible devotional booklets 'The Daily Bread' caught my eye. I hadn't had one in quite awhile, so I picked one out of the rack and put it in my bag. B looked at me like she wanted me dead. I couldn't figure out what her problem was and then it occurred to me that she didn't realize that 'The Daily Bread' was a free give-away booklet--we used to have them in our church free for the taking. After a few minutes, the conversation was over and we left the store.

As soon as we were outside, she said, 'WHY did you take that without paying for it?' I told her I didn't have to pay, that they were free. To which she answered, 'Then why did the sign say $1.00?' I almost died. I HAD to go back into the store, apologize, and pay my $1.00. This is, after all, a small town and I couldn't be remembered as the woman who stole something right in front of the owner! And the man didn't even smile or even try to make me feel better when I apologized to him. Jackass. (In my defense, I spent a lot of time in the store when it was owned by the people he bought it from. At that time, the booklets were free to whoever wanted one. The publishers STILL give them for free, but this store owner decided this would be a way for them to raise some money for the non-profit company that distributes the booklets. That is the reason they now charged for them.)

This incident took place about six months ago. I haven't been back to the downtown stores since. My girls said my picture and description is probably posted in all of the stores. They told me I should probably not go there again. Total lack of respect on their part.

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Why Do I Blog?

So, burg tagged me with a meme: Why Do I Blog? I am supposed to list five reasons and then tag five people to do the same. As usual, I won't tag anyone--just invite anyone who wants, to participate!

1) I need to talk. If I had enough people to talk to during the day, I probably wouldn't blog, but since I am a stay-at-home, I don't talk to that many people on a daily basis. Thus, I blog and read other people's blogs.

2) I have always wanted to write. While I have thought--in the past--that I am a decent writer, I now realize I am just passable. With all of the really good writers I read every day, I don't feel as if I measure up. But, still, I try.

3) Sometimes, I just have things that I have to say. And this can be broken down into two different things: a need to express oneself and a need to say something. Expressing yourself implies a creative, artistic endeavor. Needing to say something is much more basic: like NEEDING to say what my true feelings about Oprah are.

4) I have many years of stories and wisdom--real or imagined on my part :)--that I want to pass on. When I write things in this blog, there is always a chance that someone, somewhere, might take away something useful from reading it. I have always felt--whether through this blog or in my personal life--if only one person in the world remembers me as someone who helped, then I would have lived my life well.

5) There really is no other outlet for my eclectic thoughts. I have no one else to listen to me talk about hockey, Eric Clapton, funny commercials, bad TV shows, good books, lousy celebrities, pet peeves, bad jokes, computers, etc., so I come here and let loose. So, if you are entertained or if you are bored, what you see is what you get. And tomorrow's post/s will probably be much different than today's.

And because I don't want to steal one of burg's 5, I will add one more reason for me to blog and that is because of all of the people who come here. I appreciate every one of you and every comment that is left. I am grateful for the support that is given when things are not going so well and the happiness that is shared when all is right with my world. Without all of you, I would be a very lonely blogger!

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7 Things Meme

Cindi, at Over The Rainbow, tagged me with this meme. I am supposed to come up with seven random facts/habits about me. Here goes....(and believe me when I say THIS WAS HARD. I just am not very secretive about my life.:))

1) My mother's first cousin was Miss Michigan--way back in the 1950s. She also was a semi-finalist in the Miss America pageant. Because of her status as a semi-finalist, she got several (small) movie roles. She left 'the business' because she couldn't stand the phoniness. Today, she holds dual Finnish/American citizenship and lives full time in Finland. She is one of only two members of my family that I regularly have contact with.

2) I have never put gas in a vehicle. (I have stated this before, but there is a reason for me to mention it again.) However, I am the only one who hangs pictures--or anything else--on the walls in our house. I also put together most of the 'assemble-it-yourself' furniture that we have bought. If we had more power tools, I know I could do most any remodeling necessary in a house.

3) My high school boyfriend never married. I believe his mother blamed me for that. In some way, it is flattering to think so, but I do believe his drug and alcohol habits had more to do with it than I did.

4) A few posts back I mentioned the fact that my father was in the hospital for a year when I was very young. He was thought to have tuberculosis and was isolated until he had surgery. He had an ulcerated lung and not TB. I am the reason this all came about and I have lived my entire life feeling guilty about it. When I had to have my TB test/shot in kindergarten, I was so terrified of the needle that I pulled away. Of course, I showed a positive reaction and then my entire family was tested for TB. My mother also tested positive. (We both had been exposed, but never had TB.) My father was the one to get put into the hospital--my mother and I took medications for a year. I KNOW my mother blamed me for my father's hospitalization and it has been a huge burden I am finally overcoming. Even though I remember hearing my mother say it was my fault, she denies it to this day. Just another reason for me to not feel very good about her. (She was VERY young at the time and said things without thinking. It happens. I just wish she would own up to it.)

5) As everyone knows, I am a HUGE hockey fan and an even HUGER Red Wings fan. But...when I first started to watch hockey, I was a fan of the Boston Bruins. Bobby Orr, Phil Esposito, Derek Sanderson, Gerry Cheevers...couldn't get any better than that! I fell away from watching hockey for some time and came back as a Red Wings fan--because I couldn't go against the rest of the household. :)

6) The company my husband works for bought out the company he started at. The original company sponsored a photo contest for the employees and their families every year. I won the contest twice. My first win came with a picture I took of my niece at her birthday. She was nose-to-nose with the clown that was there, staring in his eyes. It was a once-in-a-lifetime shot. The second picture I won with was of a squirrel eating from our bird feeder. The extraordinary thing about this was: the squirrel was hanging onto the roof of the feeder by his back claws and was eating upside down. It was a pretty cool shot.

7) I was once a dental assistant. That isn't very unusual, but the work I did WAS. I never had any formal training, but I took x-rays, took impressions, instructed people on the proper care of their teeth, evaluated their teeth cleaning, did some hygienist-type cleaning, and applied temporary fillings. I broke the law by putting in temporary fillings--and maybe by doing some of the other stuff, too. Thankfully, I left the practice before it was busted.

There you have it...7 things I don't believe I ever mentioned in this blog before. It was one of the hardest memes I have ever done, so I will not tag anyone specifically. I hope everyone tries it, though--puts your brain to work for a while, that's for sure!

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Words Fail Me!

I went to read burg's blog, as I do every day, and I had the sweetest surprise--she gave me a 'thinker blog' award. I am honored, thrilled, humbled, and totally speechless! (And if you knew me in person, you would know what an achievement it is to render me speechless!) Now, I am tagged and have to list 5 blogs that make me think. So, here goes:


First, here are the rules--

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,
3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote (here is an alternative silver version if gold doesn't fit your blog).


Now, for the blog's that make me think.

To begin with, I do have to mention burg--although I will not have her as one of my five, simply because she tagged me first. There are more times than I can recall where I have read her blog and thought to myself that she is the child I never knew I had! She can make me laugh, cry, and say, 'You got THAT right!' I would miss not being able to keep up with her life. Thank you, again, for putting me as one of your five.

1) You're Shitting Me, Right?
'Ranger' Tom is the writer of this blog. I have read Tom for years--his was one of the first blogs I read regularly. He is definitely NOT politically correct--and he doesn't care! From his political rants to his funny photos, he is a good read. Tom hasn't been updating as regularly these days because he is in the process of moving and planning a wedding. Tom is getting married to (possibly) the first blogger I read regularly, cantellya. I KNEW there was something between them before they did, and I am thrilled they are together. They are two of my most favorite people I have never met! (I didn't list cantellya as one of my five, because she hasn't been able to post regularly for awhile.)

2) As I See It...And That's All That Really Matters, Isn't It?
Doug is the author of this blog, and he is a funny, funny man. Doug isn't as prolific as other bloggers--he posts once a week--but his stories are good enough to keep you going all week! The stories range from childhood memories--and his best friend Skunky Wilson--to life as a single dad, and the joys of getting older. My favorite stories DEFINITELY involve Skunky!

3) LAZY Blogger
This is one of the most fascinating blogs I read. LZ seems to have been EVERYWHERE--and he takes pictures of all of the places he has been. Now, looking at pictures of exotic places is a great deal of fun, but LZ provides a little background/history of the place where the picture is from. Gorgeous pictures and actually learning something--just doesn't get any better than that!

4) Virginia Belle
VB, like burg, is one of the young 'uns I read. But VB is different from burg--VB is a single girl (woman) making her way through the world. VB can make me laugh, cry, sympathize, and cheer. She also can make me want to give her a 'mother lecture' when I don't agree with something she has done! But, I don't. I am just along for the ride, happy that I am not in that stage of my life! It is interesting to see how the younger generation is living, though.

5) Dazd and Confuzed From Here
Dazd has a blog that is a little of this, a little of that--and it is all good. He writes passionately of soldiers he knows in Iraq, trivia, knock-knock jokes, and various aspects of his life. This is another blog where you can laugh, cry, and everything in between. 'Caption This' photos are hilarious and he puts up some good music videos, too.

While those are my 'five,' I feel awful that I can't list cindi, leazwell, etc, etc. All of the blogs I read are great--otherwise, I wouldn't waste my time reading them! :) So, once you are done checking out my 'five,' head on over to the others on the 'Blogs I Read' list. There's some good reading out there!

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I Could've Told Them

Two recent news stories have me all aflutter. So here goes.

DIETS DON'T WORK; MAY EVEN BE DANGEROUS

The University of California has reviewed dieting research and has concluded that dieting does not work. HELLO!!!!!!! For however much this study cost, I could have told them the exact same thing for half the money! Don't think I'm just exaggerating: I have been on just about every diet known to modern man, and I STILL am overweight. Here is a partial list: the Stillman Water Diet, Weight Watchers (several times), South Beach, Atkins, the Zone, Fighting Fat Over Forty, Nutrisystem, Slim Fast, calorie counting, portion control, etc. My favorite was: a blended mix of grape juice and banana drunk before every meal. I don't know if I lost weight with this one, but everyone THOUGHT I did. And that was for one reason: no one could get close enough to me to see what I REALLY looked like--the combination of the two fruits did SOMETHING to the digestive system that you DON'T want to know about!

Another conclusion that the researchers made was this: most people who lose weight on a diet put it all back on in 4-5 years AND gain more, to boot! HELLO!!!!!! You don't think I look this way JUST because I have had a hysterectomy, do you? It is because I'm making up for those times when I was on a diet--I need to eat everything I DIDN'T eat then! And these are the people that get paid the big bucks--go figure.

SCIENTISTS FIND 'OBESITY' GENE

Scientists claim to have found real evidence that people who have two copies of a variant of a certain gene, are more likely than not to be obese. Do I understand what that means? Of course not! What I DO understand is this: overweight--or obesity--runs in families. HELLO!!!!!! Again, I could have told them this for half the money that these scientists were paid. All anyone would have to do is look at pictures of my family, both past and present. My great-grandmother was so chubby, that I couldn't sit in her lap when she rocked in her rocking chair--SHE HAD NO LAP! My maternal grandfather was described as being 'as wide as he was tall.' I have seen many pictures of relatives I never met: all overweight! The Mother has battled her weight all of her life. Both of my girls have trouble with their weight. Guess what? I think it runs in families! What a concept!

The best part of this whole study is this: part of the study group was from Finland. Yessireebob! My entire family heritage is Finnish. Just another thing I have to thank my family for. :)

So, here is my bottom line: I KNOW I will never have the body I once did. Bikinis, Playboy, porn, designer clothes--NOT going to happen for me. That ship has sailed. I guess all I can ever hope to achieve is a healthy-enough body--one that will last for a few more decades, at least. Until then, I leave you with a picture of me. WARNING: It is NOT safe for work--or anywhere else, for that matter!


--Venus of Willendorf (sorry, don't know who to give credit to for this pic)--

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